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Books

Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses

by Rockstar 26 January 2021

“Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses.”- Marilyn vos Savant

I’m born and raised in The Netherlands and it is not very common in our culture to speak about the great things your have achieved in your life. As soon as you are proud of an achievement, people think you are arrogant hence we have a tendency to not speak about our strengths. This is different in the US where it is normal to speak openly about successes and strengths.

When you ask people to name their strengths and weaknesses, they always start with naming their weaknesses, try it with your fiends and you will see that most of them can easily name some of their weaknesses and feel uncomfortable to speak about their strengths.

It’s the same in businesses where most of the focus is on fixing weaknesses. Strategy workshops always start with the so-called SWOT analysis and you will see that most of the time and actions are based on fixing the weaknesses. What companies should do is to focus more efforts on the strengths of the company; it’s products, services and employees. So focus more on the ‘S’ in the SWOT analysis. How can they do more of their strengths and how can they become better and transform from a good into a great company.

If you focus on the weaknesses; it’s like training Messi to become the best goalkeeper, that won’t work. All he does is to be an even better striker for Barcelona and score more goals. Focus on the strengths and you will see more success!

It should be common sense that for a positive life style you should focus on your strengths instead of your weakness but unfortunately the vast majority of us are trying to solve their weaknesses. Successful companies like Tesla, Google, Spotify and Facebook focus their vast majority of their time on their strengths and get even better at it.

For a lot of people it will feels uncomfortable start focusing more on their strengths but I would like to challenge you in starting to write down your strengths on a piece of paper or in your digital note taker like Evernote. You can do this in different ways;

Take a piece of paper and write down all your strengths in the next 15 min. Don’t think too much about it, just write down everything that you can think of
Incubate it into your daily routine / habit like describe in one of my previous blog posts. Everyday you need to write down at least one strength you have. Do this exercise for the next 60 days.

It doesn’t matter what kind of strength it is and how “big” it is. A couple of examples:

I’m a very good listener
I’m always supportive to my kids while doing their homework
I make the best pasta you have ever tasted
I’m the best guitar player in my hometown
I’m always friendly when stranger ask me a question
I have set up a successful business

Again it is not how “big” your strengths are it is about the acknowledgement and realization that you have strengths and trust me everybody have strengths, a lot!

Whatever your decide on how to document your strengths, make sure they are easy to find and they are all in one place because her comes the trick….every time you think about a ‘weakness’ or when somebody reminds you of one of your ‘weaknesses’ grab your list and ad random pick three strengths and read them out loud so that if somebody was standing next to you he or she could hear you speak. After a while you will realize that the three strengths will overrule your “weakness”.

After a couple of weeks when you have trained your mind you will see that you will start thinking more about your strengths and become more positive in your self believe hence your will do more of what you are good at.

Focusing on your strengths is somethings that is coming from the positive psychology and mainly from one of my biggest inspirators – Martin Seligman. In his book “Authentic Happiness” he is talking about Character Strengths and Virtues. There are 6 classes of virtues that are made up of 24-character strengths.

The six virtues are:

Wisdom
Courage
Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Transcendence

Each virtue contains of character strengths

1. Wisdom

Creativity

Clever
Original & Adaptive
Problem Solver

Curiosity

Interested
Explores new things
Open to new ideas

Judgment

Critical thinker
Thinks things thorough
Open-minded

Love of learning

Masters new skills & topics
Systematically adds to knowledge

Perspective

Wise
Provides wise counsel
Takes the big picture view

2. Courage

Bravery

Shows valor
Doesn’t shrink from fear
Speaks up for what is right

Perseverance

Persistent
Industrious
Finishes what one start

Honesty

Authentic
Trustworthy
Sincere

Zest

Enthusiastic
Energetic
Doesn’t do things half-heartedly

3. Humanity

Love

Warm and genuine
Values close relationships

Kindness

Generous
Nurturing
Caring
Compassionate • Altruistic

Social Intelligence

Aware of the motives and feelings of self/others
Knows what makes others tick

4. Justice

Teamwork

Team player
Socially responsible
Loyal

Fairness

Just
Doesn’t let feelings bias decisions about others

Leadership

Organizes group activities
Encourages a group to get things done

5. Temperance

Forgiveness

Merciful
Accepts others’ shortcomings
Gives people a second chance

Humility

Modest
Lets one’s accomplishments speak for themselves

Prudence

Careful
Cautious
Doesn’t take undue risks

Self-regulation

Self-controlled
Disciplined
Manages impulses and emotions

6. Transcendence

Appreciation of beauty & Excellence

Feels awe and wonder in beauty
Inspired by goodness of others

Gratitude

Thankful for the good
Expresses thanks
Feels blessed

Hope

Optimistic
Future-minded
Future Orientated

Humor

Playful
Brings smiles to others
Lighthearted

Spirituality

Searches for meaning
Feels a sense of purpose
Senses a relationship with the sacred

More information about each character strengths can be found here

In order to find your own personal character strengths, you can do an online test and answer 240 questions – > https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires/survey-character-strengths

Based on this test you will find your 5 so called signature strengths. I can share my 5 signature strengths based on the test I did:

Perseverance
Fairness
Leadership
Gratitude
Humor

My goal is to use these 5 signature strengths in my everyday life. Both in my working and private life and see if I can strengthen these character strengths even more.

During the next couple of days, I would like to challenge you to focus more on your strengths and see how you can do more of those and become even better in your strengths. This is much easier than to eliminate a weakness and to become better in your strengths will also give you more joy and happiness in your everyday life. It will also increase your motivation curve to focus on the strength and the positive things and that will give your more energy!

Start focusing on your strengths!

Please find some good video’s on YouTube about discovering your signature strengths

Photo by Esteban Lopez on Unsplash

26 January 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset Positive

The Positive ratio

by Rockstar 24 January 2021

“Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative” – Barbara L. Fredrickson

In most of the books I read in the last couple of years, there was always a reference to Barbara’s best seller simply called “Positivity”. Almost three years ago, I finally had the opportunity to read her book and I must say it was above my expectations. A great eye-opener with clear scientific studies and evidence about positive thinking and how you will flourish in life with a positive mindset. Your thoughts strongly affect your level of positivity.

From the first to the last page, she is taking you in a positive roller coaster of amazing examples and scientific evidence why positive thinking is good for your health and well being. It starts with a story of a woman who overslept and need to rush to work and is already behind her schedule. The book describes two scenarios on how she can think and feel about the same situation in two completely different ways. This shows that, if you can control your thoughts about a situation you are very close to focus more on the positivity and flourish in your life.

The focus in the book is on ten (10) forms of positivity

Joy
Gratitude
Serenity
Interest
Hope
Pride
Amusement
Inspiration
Awe
Love

Those ten forms of positivity are the basis for the six (6) facts of positivity that she describes in her book:

Fact 1: Positivity feels good

Fact 2: Positivity changes how your mind works

Fact 3: Positivity transforms your future

Fact 4: Positivity puts the break on negativity

Fact 5: Positivity obeys a tipping point

Fact 6: You can increase your positivity

All these six facts are backed up by studies and scientific evidence to prove them right.

For me the book has two main key elements that will help me in the future of creating a positive life style.

First one is fact 2: Positivity changes how your mind works -> Positivity broadens your mind and the second is fact 5: Positivity obeys a tipping point -> A positive ratio >3-to-1 forecast flourishing.

Positivity Broaden your mind

Positivity opens your mind and expends our range of vision. A broaden mind changes the way you think and act in a wider range of circumstances. When you see more, more ideas are coming to your mind hence more actions become possible. Although this broaden mindscape is temporary, it creates the needed mind space. You escape the tightness of negativity and gain elbowroom for greater flexibility and seeing the big picture.

Positive ratio >3 to 1

Yes, there is indeed a magic number to feel better and flourish in life. After many different studies the outcome was that the tipping point was a positive ration of 2.9013 to 1, or easier 3 to 1. Which means that that you need 3 positive emotions against 1 negative emotion. If you want to flourish you need you extend the 3 to 1 and go for 4, 5 or 6. The maximum is 11 after that studies shows that there is no extra affect. The optimal ratio tested is 4 to 1.

Under the 3 to 1 you have a big change to fall into a depression. The great thing about the book it that it comes with a “Positive self test” to calculate your ratio at a certain moment in your life. This test will look at the 10 positive forms: Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe and Love. Next to the positive forms the test will also look at the 10 negative forms; Angry, Ashamed, Contemptuous, Disgust, Embarrassed, Guilty, Hate, Sad, Scared and Stressed.

You can do this test online as well: http://www.positivityresonance.com/

I reckon you start filling out this test on a regular basis and see how you are progressing. I can tell you it really works! Life feels so much better and is more fun when you flourish so go for the 4-1 and set your target maybe at 5-1 or 6-1!

I would like to finish this blog post with a personal experience that is also described in the book and this experience is another good example of evidence about the good things of positivity. In chapter 6 the book describes that a positive mind gives you more power to bounce back from life challenges. The book use examples of people with resilient personality bounced back stronger after 9/11; they become more optimistic, more tranquil, and more fulfilled.

In the summer of 2017, my family and I enjoyed a holiday on the Greece Island of Kos, where I actually finished reading the Positivity book on the 20^th of July. The picture above this blog is actually taken on the beach when I finished the book. Later that night when we were all asleep we experienced one of the scariest moments in our life…. a 6.7 earthquake with the epicentre 30KM away in the sea from our hotel.

It was 1.31am Greece time so the whole family was in deep sleep. I woke up from the shocking earth and felt the cortisol in my veins and within 5 seconds I was outside, carrying my youngest daughter. All of us were in shock. The next morning after some after shocks the family was still in shock from the big earthquake and I realised that we are very lucky because there was no damage in our hotel and we are not injured. Unfortunately a collapsing wall in a bar killed 2 people in the town of Kos. With the gratitude that my family was all right after the big earthquake and that no really big aftershocks are expected I was already enjoying my holiday, felt relax and happy to be in Greece. Other people in the hotel found it harder to overcome fear they felt during the earthquake. In the end we had a great holiday with only a couple of aftershocks we felt but I realised that my physical heart is filled with resilience and that I react differently to stress compared to the year before, when I had my burn-out.

Reading “Positivity” is definitely one of my biggest recommendations towards a positive lifestyle!

24 January 2021 0 comment

Books Mindset Positive Transformation

Mixing the right chemicals

by Rockstar 20 January 2021

A couple of weeks after I got diagnosed of a burn-out, I started to read again management books and I had bought “Leaders eat last” from Simon Sinek prior my burn-out but didn’t had the time to stat reading it. The initial goal for buying this book was to learn more about leadership but I didn’t realise that this book changed my life in a very positive way, not about leadership but how four chemicals in your brain can make you more confident and feel more positivity in your live.

The four chemicals

Simon describes in his book that there are four chemicals, so called neurotransmitters in your brain that drives positive feeling, confidence and trust. When you feel overwhelmed you have a bigger change of getting a burn-out and these four chemicals, when in balance, can support you in your recovery from a burn out, but even better they can also prevent you from getting a burn-out. These four chemicals are: Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.

None of these chemicals is better that the other. All of them serve a specific purpose. They need to be in balance in order to feel good and positive. Endorphin and Dopamine are known as the “selfish chemicals”. We can get them on our own. Serotonin and Oxytocin are the “selfless chemicals”. We need others to get these chemicals in our brains.

Endorphin

The chemical Endorphin will be released in your brain in order to support your body with physical pain. You might be aware of what is called ‘Runners high’. When you are running you notice that after a couple of miles you feel pain in your muscles or knee. Your brain will release some Endorphin so that it will mask your pain and you can continue running. Another example when your brain is releasing Endorphin is when you are laughing, so I reckon you laugh a lot every single day!

Dopamine

When you need to focus on your goals, your brain will release some small shots of Dopamine to keep you going and motivated. When you reach your goal your brain will release a big shot of Dopamine to make you feel great, confident and happy. A balanced way of getting shots of Dopamine is really good to keep you going and motivated in order to get things done. But the biggest risk with Dopamine is that it is very addictive, so it is very dangerous. (Online) gambling, Internet, smoking, social media, alcohol etc. they all will release good shots of Dopamine, so be careful!

Serotonin

The Serotonin is a selfless chemical and can only be released when others are involved. It will for example be released when a group of people (colleagues, friends etc.) work together to solve a problem or reach a goal. It will strengthen our human bonds. When the whole team is recognised and rewarded for their behaviour or good work together, they all will get a good shot of Serotonin, which give them a feeling of respect, confidence, status and pride.

Oxytocin

This is my personal favourite one of all four – Oxytocin is what is called the ‘happiness chemical’ and I already briefly mentioned it in the post about 25 ideas to be happy .This chemical will encourage serving others. When helping others, for example very simple things, like giving a tip in a restaurant or helping your friend moving houses, both you and the other person will get a shot of Oxytocin and this will make you and the other person feel better and positive.

Oxytocin is also released by human contact like high fives, handshakes, big and long hugs or doing volunteer work at homeless shelter for example.

A very important effect of Oxytocin is that our bodies are less susceptible to the addictiveness of Dopamine and the most important effect is that Oxytocin makes you feel better capable of handling stress. This was my biggest support during my burn-out. Just before and during my burn out my body was full of the stress hormone ‘Cortisol’. When you brain is releasing shots of Oxytocin the stress hormone Cortisol will be lowered in your body and you immune system will be stronger with Oxytocin.

That’s why it is so important that you get help and support from others during and after your burn-out.

Cortisol

As said, Cortisol was making overtime during my burn-out and period of anxiety in my life. Short boosts of Cortisol are good and can protect you from potential danger, you go into the fight or flight mode. When Cortisol is released, your immune system is turned off and our body is releasing a boost of adrenaline in your blood stream to really fight or flight. When the danger is over the amount of cortisol will be lowered and you will feel more relax.

When we have cortisol in our bodies more often than we are supposed to have, it can become dangerous. This is what often happens during a burn-out, especially when you feel stressed there will be a constant flow of Cortisol in your body. When the level of Cortisol is going up, the level of Oxytocin is going down. This will weaken our immune system and can cause serious health issues.

Your task is to keep the four chemicals in good balance to decrease the level of constant Cortisol in your brain. It will make you feel better, happier and you see things in a more positive way.

My advice:

Laugh a lot to release Endorphin
Focus on your goals to release Dopamine
Work together to release Serotonin,
Help others to release Oxytocin and decrease your stress hormone Cortisol.

I recommend you to watch this 45 min video from Simon.

Photo by Jesse Martini on Unsplash

20 January 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset

Circle of Influence

by Rockstar 17 January 2021

During my burn-out I read a lot about what kind of people are more in the likelihood of becoming burn-out. I realize that all kinds of people are subjected to be able to get a burn-out, but I could read between the lines that the so called ‘control freaks’ (like me) are showing a higher risk for having burn-outs. This is because there comes a time where control freaks ‘loose’ control and influence of the situation and that potentially can contribute to a burn-out.

As mentioned in my first blog I wanted to come back stronger after my burn-out by building a plan. Unconsciously I used the circle of influence a lot in my planning and the actual execution of my plan. Later on I used it in my daily habits when facing negativity, fear and uncertainties. While doing a little bit of more research for this blog post I realised that I leaned about the circle of influence 10 years ago when I read the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey. Nobody told me during my burn-out that I need to look into my circle of influence, but unconsciously my mind remembered that I read about it a couple of years ago and that I can use it for a more positive lifestyle and accept certain situations.

The circle of influence is for me one of the best solutions I found for recovering from my burn-out and I still use it in my day-to-day life. It gives me a lot of support to handle difficult situations and decision. Based on this I started to think more positively. Covey beliefs that proactive people focus inside their circle of influence, I strongly believe that people with a positive mind-set and lifestyle do as well.

The great reward you will get when you focus more inside your circle of influence is that you will get a feeling that you can control your life and destiny since you don’t worry about the things you can’t control.

Negative people have a tendency to focus too much on things they can’t control. Most of the time they think they are the victim of circumstances and dwell further in these negative thoughts.

What is actually the circle of influence?

It’s a very simple concept, you draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle you write down all the thing you can control and influence. Outside the circle you write down all the things you can’t control and influence.

circle of control

The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

Negative people focus too much on matters outside their circle and will realise that the circle is shrinking and they ‘see’ less and less matters they can’t control.

In the psychology this kind of feeling of having control of the outcome of events in your life is called locus of control (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control).

For me this all starts with accepting that you as a person are responsible for your own life, not your spouse, friends, boss, colleagues etc. It is you and nobody else than you who is responsible. The way you feel, behave, react etc. is your own decision to do so.

Quoting Covey: “Between stimuli and response, everybody has the freedom to choose”

During my burn-out I blamed others, and the different circumstances, but that was wrong and it will never support you in your recovery. My psychiatrist convinced me already in my second session that I’m responsible for my life and that I’m not allowed to blame others, that’s too easy and you will walk away from your responsibility and give your life in the hand of others. You, me, your colleagues, everybody needs to accept that this is your life hence your responsibility to make it great, be positive and happy.

Negative people believe that their life is a product of their physical and social environment. The have a strong external locus of control and focus outside their circle of influence. They believe that their quality of life is determined by luck, fate and that others are responsible for who and what they are.

Positive people believe that they are responsible for how they respond to outside stimuli. They have a strong internal locus of control and focus inside their circle of influence. They believe that the quality of their life is determined by their own action and chooses. They don’t blame others or circumstances for their life they live.

The biggest difference is that positive people taking responsibility and they focus on matters that they can control and influence hence live inside their circle of influence.

Every time you move more attention from inside to outside your circle of influence you allow the outside to control your life.

While planning my comeback I first needed to accept that “me, myself and I” is responsible for my own life, feeling and behaviour. I’m my own boss and I should stop dwelling on things I can’t control. This is also how I overcome my fear and anxiety.

What I would like to ask you to do is simply; draw a circle on a blank piece of paper and start to write down all the things you can control and influence inside your circle. You will notice that you have drawn a too small circle because you can control and influence more than your think. When you are ready you can start adding things you can’t control outside the circle. Now comes the trick……STOP focusing on the things outside the circle and focus all your time and energy on the things inside the circle of influence and you will see that you will start feeling more in control and start to have more positive feelings.

Every time you are worried and have negative thoughts, feeling stressed or anxious, just look at this circle or draw a new one and see if these things are in your circle of influence. If yes, work on it if not stop focusing on it!

So stop complaining about others and things you can’t control, focus all your time, effort and energy on the things you can influence, control or change and you will see something magic will happen with you and how you feel. More in control, less stress, positive and you can get things done while noticing that your circle of influence is growing.

Photo by Finn Hackshaw on Unsplash

17 January 2021 2 comments

Books Inspiration Mindset

Don’t let fear keep you from living your life

by Rockstar 16 January 2021

As already said by Ghandi “Fear is our biggest enemy not hate”. For me fear, anxiety and negative thoughts are connected and are a big bottleneck in order to live a positive life you want and what you deserve.

For me anxiety started very early in my life. On a very young age I started to think about life and asked myself questions like, what are we doing here on earth, is this life real or a fantasy. Why are we born and why do we need to die and what is death? Since I thought a lot about this, especially when I was in bed at night, my fear of death and the unknown started. When I was around ten years old it really kept me awake at night and I started to get small panic attacks. At an age of eleven I started to see a psychologist on a weekly basis for around two years. This was more for me to start talking about it since I was afraid to speak about my fears. They treated me well but I’m not 100% convinced that they really helped me because it went worse when I was around sixteen years old and got my first real panic attack nearby my house and started to scream a lot – I was in such a deep thought about life and dead when I was cycling home from school and saw “eternal death” in front of me and that scared the hell out of me.

At the age of sixteen I finished high school, had long curly hair and was different than the other kids. I failed to get good results and realised that I was not good enough for this school. Since I was a good drummer (at least that is what I thought) I did audition to go to the conservatorium to become a famous rock drummer. During the audition I was so nervous that I blow away my change to get accepted to the conservatorium. During my youth I failed a lot at school and ‘failure’ really started to feed my anxiety and I had the feeling that nobody could help me. 24 years later my burn-out finally opened my eyes and it taught me how to deal with anxiety, how to reduce it and started to live a life I really want.

What would you do when you don’t have fear? Buggy jumping, presenting in front of a big audience, resign from your boring day to day job and start your own business, flying to your old friend who lives at the other side of the world, speak up in a group, call that boy or girl and ask for a night out…..why do we let fear and anxiety rule our lives?

It is a shame because we all have so many great ideas and needs, but fear and anxiety is keeping us from doing what we really want.

The three key elements that really supported me during my burn-out and started my fearless life are:

Acceptance
Self belief
WITWTTCH – What is the worse thing that can happen?

Acceptance

Since you are now getting familiar with acceptance based on my other blog post I will start with acceptance. A positive lifestyle starts with accepting that you can’t influence what is not in your circle of influence. For example, the sun comes up’s each day, all living creatures will eventually die (circle of life). How hard we try we can’t change it. This is how I overcome my fear of death. Don’t get me wrong I still don’t like it and I still don’t want it to happen but I realised it is a waste of time to fight against it. I don’t have the power to influence it, I just needed to accept that there is nothing I can do about it. It took me 24 years to do but since I have managed it, it gives me so much more peace in my everyday life. I’m not a religious man but I think the feeling I have, to come to terms with death must be similar with religious people that believe that all things will be fine after they die, as long as they live according the ‘rules’. The rules I live by is to accept that I can’t influence everything.

Acceptance is not easy because since human mankind we want to have influence on nature and make our own decisions.

Fear of flying, oh man I was so afraid of stepping on a plane, sleepless nights, small panic attacks. I had my first flight when I was 19 years old and since then I just don’t like flying, luckily I only flew ones a year when we went on summer holiday. Since I started to work in 1999, I started to fly more regular and the last 8 years I fly almost each week and sometimes twice a week. I overcome my fear of flying by accepting that flying is one of the safest ways of transportation. I had read a lot about airplanes it and I almost know every single sound you hear in and outside a plane during a flight. Since I overcome the fear of flying, shortly after my burn-out I feel so much more relax on a flight and actually started to enjoy flying. I flew to all major cities in Europe, been to Asia and the US a couple of times.

When you can accept that you can’t change what is not in your circle of influence you will find out that fear and anxiety have no way to be a big part in your life. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

Self belief

The most difficult part of the 3 key elements is “Self belief”. Our mind is wandering all the time and is mainly focusing on the negative experience you have had in your life and about your self-esteem. I started this blog with some example of my youth. If I want, I can write a full book about all the failures in my life, but that is boring because you miss all the great things that I have succeed in my life. During my burn-out I wrote down my biggest ‘failures’ in life and wrote next to it how successful I’m. I was really surprised that it is actually not that bad hence I reckon you should do a similar exercise.

A couple of examples:

I wasn’t good in learning during high school -> graduated at the university of applied science and became the COO of a listed internet company and responsible for all our offices around the world
Was not accepted at the conservatorium -> still having fun in drumming and released an album with my band
Spending 3 years to get kids -> First daughter born after a couple of IVF treatment and son and second daughter born via the “natural way”
During the burst of the internet bubble (2001) I couldn’t find a job for a full year -> wrote more than 100 job applications, went to 30 job interviews and got rejected 29 times. When I was hired I became the COO 13 years later
I stutter a lot and I’m very insecure -> I now give presentations in front of big audiences (+500 people) and play drums in front of 1000 people

These are just a couple of examples and I guess you can also pick a couple for yourself and realize it is not that bad and that you are actually very good!

In my blog about reminder cards, I already mentioned the 2 min power pose by Amy Cuddy. The reason why this really works is that during the power pose you are raising you testosterone level hence a big boost of dopamine is getting active in your brain. This makes you feel more confident. You are tricking your brain and that is ok, it is tricking you also with unnecessary fear and anxiety, please try it, it really works!

After my burnout I read two great books, which I recommend you to read yourself:

The stress test – how pressure can make you stronger and sharper – http://amzn.to/2mfsBVi A good learning from this book about feeling more confident is to activate your left frontal lobe of your brain by squeezing a rubber ball (stress ball) for around 45 seconds in your RIGHT hand. This will activate the positive part of your brain. Repeat it a couple times, it is amazing!
Leaders eat last – http://amzn.to/2lsOj3E in this book Simon will go over the four hormones, Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin and how they can give you more self-confidence.

Life is a rock show and you are the rock star that is on stage and performing a great show. Start believing in yourself, because if you don’t do it nobody will!

WITWTTCH – What is the worse thing that can happen?

This is what I learned during my sessions with the psychologist during my burnout. Our sessions were based on cognitive behaviour therapy. (since 2020 I’m a certified cognitive behaviour therapist myself). In everyday life our mind in wandering about 160 times a day and your inner voice can be very irritating and your thought are making your anxious and feeling bad about situations. But…..are these thoughts the reality and are they true? No not all the time and what I learned was to think about “what is the worse thing that can happen?”. This simple sentence is so powerful to change your anxious mind into a happy mind that is free to live a life you want.

When you have moments when you feel insecure, anxious or having fear, always ask your self the question “what is the worse thing that can happen?

A couple of examples?

I will start to stutter during my presentation and the audience will think I can’t do it -> 1% of the world population stutters, so you are not the only one. Is it really true that when you stutter people think you can’t do it, of course not! Have some self-mockery and make a joke about it
When I need to play drums with my band on stage I might forget a break in a song -> I played these songs hundred times, I know them by heart and If I miss a break I will play something different and call it “improvisation”
During a training session I might get a black out -> The people at the training see you for the first time and if you get a black out you just look up and you will always find something to talk about and trust me that they don’t realize you have had a black out.

It is really our inner critical voice that we should not believe, his/her thoughts are not always true and you know better than your inner critical voice, listen more to your inner heart and don’t forget to rocknroll – Believe in your self !

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

16 January 2021 0 comment