Category:

Positive

The Power of Affirmations

by Rockstar 2 February 2021

It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen – Muhammad Ali

When I first read about affirmations, I wasn’t sure this was something for me. Telling myself I’m the best and I’m good while I was feeling shit was not something I believed in. There was always a connecting with the law of attraction, but let me tell you, when you feel down this wasn’t the “thing” I wanted to focus and implement in my life.

While reading more and more books about positivity, the possibilities and opportunities with affirmations drew my attention again. The reason why this time it became interesting for me is that I read more about the scientifically proven evidence about “priming” yourself with confident and positive wordings. In none of these books they spoke about the law of attraction but about the positive emotions and the famous broaden and build concept from the book “Positivity”.

When reading the “Miracle Morning” from Hal Elrod I really started to implement affirmations on a daily basis and it really supported me in my own confidence and believe in my own competences.

Positive affirmations are very powerful because they release you from negativity, fear, worry, and anxiety. When these affirmations are repeated over and over again, they begin to take charge of your thoughts, slowly changing your pattern of thinking and ultimately changing your life.

For me affirmations are the way to set your “mindset” (thoughts, beliefs and focus) each and every day and boost your self-esteem.

Please watch this great video about affirmation:

How to create your own Affirmations?

On the internet you can find millions of great affirmations but it is important to define and create your own personal affirmation to make impact on your positive life.

Please find some starting points to define your own personal affirmations:

Define your own goal, what do you really want in your life? Your personal affirmation needs to be connected with your goal so that you can program your mind with your positive thoughts, beliefs and focus. Couple of examples are; financial freedom, health, emotions, relations etc.
Make sure you know “Why” you want your goal – know your goal and understand why you really want this – so that you start believing in your own destiny
Understand what you want to do to reach your goal – you can create actionable affirmations that are connected to your goal. In order to reach your goal, you need to create an action plan with things that needs to be done. Just reading out loud your affirmations with no actions from your side (and hoping for the best) will NEVER work. You need to take actions yourself!
Start writing down your personal affirmation based on your goal, your why and your actions. Don’t worry if you can’t think of the right ones from the beginning, please know that affirmations are not fixed and that you can change and update them to make them better and more powerful for yourself.
When you have your first affirmation you need to start building the habit to read them out loud (so that if someone is next to you, he or she can hear you) every day! I do this each morning during my miracle morning habit.

One thing you can also do is to write down your affirmation on you “reminder cards” like I wrote in one of my previous post

To end this post, I will share with you my personal daily affirmations that supports me during my day, use them as inspiration but make sure you create your own personal affirmations:

I feel strong, powerful & happy and all things will be fine because I never give up
Hocus Pocus keep the fucking focus (when I’m overwhelmed and need focus to control my tasks and thoughts)
I’m happy and relax
Everything will be fine
I take good care of myself
I consistently think healthy and positive thoughts
From today everything is going better
I am valuable
Whatever happens: I can handle anything

Have fun in defining your own affirmations and make them feel powerful for yourself!

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

2 February 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset Positive Transformation Video

Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses

by Rockstar 26 January 2021

“Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses.”- Marilyn vos Savant

I’m born and raised in The Netherlands and it is not very common in our culture to speak about the great things your have achieved in your life. As soon as you are proud of an achievement, people think you are arrogant hence we have a tendency to not speak about our strengths. This is different in the US where it is normal to speak openly about successes and strengths.

When you ask people to name their strengths and weaknesses, they always start with naming their weaknesses, try it with your fiends and you will see that most of them can easily name some of their weaknesses and feel uncomfortable to speak about their strengths.

It’s the same in businesses where most of the focus is on fixing weaknesses. Strategy workshops always start with the so-called SWOT analysis and you will see that most of the time and actions are based on fixing the weaknesses. What companies should do is to focus more efforts on the strengths of the company; it’s products, services and employees. So focus more on the ‘S’ in the SWOT analysis. How can they do more of their strengths and how can they become better and transform from a good into a great company.

If you focus on the weaknesses; it’s like training Messi to become the best goalkeeper, that won’t work. All he does is to be an even better striker for Barcelona and score more goals. Focus on the strengths and you will see more success!

It should be common sense that for a positive life style you should focus on your strengths instead of your weakness but unfortunately the vast majority of us are trying to solve their weaknesses. Successful companies like Tesla, Google, Spotify and Facebook focus their vast majority of their time on their strengths and get even better at it.

For a lot of people it will feels uncomfortable start focusing more on their strengths but I would like to challenge you in starting to write down your strengths on a piece of paper or in your digital note taker like Evernote. You can do this in different ways;

Take a piece of paper and write down all your strengths in the next 15 min. Don’t think too much about it, just write down everything that you can think of
Incubate it into your daily routine / habit like describe in one of my previous blog posts. Everyday you need to write down at least one strength you have. Do this exercise for the next 60 days.

It doesn’t matter what kind of strength it is and how “big” it is. A couple of examples:

I’m a very good listener
I’m always supportive to my kids while doing their homework
I make the best pasta you have ever tasted
I’m the best guitar player in my hometown
I’m always friendly when stranger ask me a question
I have set up a successful business

Again it is not how “big” your strengths are it is about the acknowledgement and realization that you have strengths and trust me everybody have strengths, a lot!

Whatever your decide on how to document your strengths, make sure they are easy to find and they are all in one place because her comes the trick….every time you think about a ‘weakness’ or when somebody reminds you of one of your ‘weaknesses’ grab your list and ad random pick three strengths and read them out loud so that if somebody was standing next to you he or she could hear you speak. After a while you will realize that the three strengths will overrule your “weakness”.

After a couple of weeks when you have trained your mind you will see that you will start thinking more about your strengths and become more positive in your self believe hence your will do more of what you are good at.

Focusing on your strengths is somethings that is coming from the positive psychology and mainly from one of my biggest inspirators – Martin Seligman. In his book “Authentic Happiness” he is talking about Character Strengths and Virtues. There are 6 classes of virtues that are made up of 24-character strengths.

The six virtues are:

Wisdom
Courage
Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Transcendence

Each virtue contains of character strengths

1. Wisdom

Creativity

Clever
Original & Adaptive
Problem Solver

Curiosity

Interested
Explores new things
Open to new ideas

Judgment

Critical thinker
Thinks things thorough
Open-minded

Love of learning

Masters new skills & topics
Systematically adds to knowledge

Perspective

Wise
Provides wise counsel
Takes the big picture view

2. Courage

Bravery

Shows valor
Doesn’t shrink from fear
Speaks up for what is right

Perseverance

Persistent
Industrious
Finishes what one start

Honesty

Authentic
Trustworthy
Sincere

Zest

Enthusiastic
Energetic
Doesn’t do things half-heartedly

3. Humanity

Love

Warm and genuine
Values close relationships

Kindness

Generous
Nurturing
Caring
Compassionate • Altruistic

Social Intelligence

Aware of the motives and feelings of self/others
Knows what makes others tick

4. Justice

Teamwork

Team player
Socially responsible
Loyal

Fairness

Just
Doesn’t let feelings bias decisions about others

Leadership

Organizes group activities
Encourages a group to get things done

5. Temperance

Forgiveness

Merciful
Accepts others’ shortcomings
Gives people a second chance

Humility

Modest
Lets one’s accomplishments speak for themselves

Prudence

Careful
Cautious
Doesn’t take undue risks

Self-regulation

Self-controlled
Disciplined
Manages impulses and emotions

6. Transcendence

Appreciation of beauty & Excellence

Feels awe and wonder in beauty
Inspired by goodness of others

Gratitude

Thankful for the good
Expresses thanks
Feels blessed

Hope

Optimistic
Future-minded
Future Orientated

Humor

Playful
Brings smiles to others
Lighthearted

Spirituality

Searches for meaning
Feels a sense of purpose
Senses a relationship with the sacred

More information about each character strengths can be found here

In order to find your own personal character strengths, you can do an online test and answer 240 questions – > https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires/survey-character-strengths

Based on this test you will find your 5 so called signature strengths. I can share my 5 signature strengths based on the test I did:

Perseverance
Fairness
Leadership
Gratitude
Humor

My goal is to use these 5 signature strengths in my everyday life. Both in my working and private life and see if I can strengthen these character strengths even more.

During the next couple of days, I would like to challenge you to focus more on your strengths and see how you can do more of those and become even better in your strengths. This is much easier than to eliminate a weakness and to become better in your strengths will also give you more joy and happiness in your everyday life. It will also increase your motivation curve to focus on the strength and the positive things and that will give your more energy!

Start focusing on your strengths!

Please find some good video’s on YouTube about discovering your signature strengths

Photo by Esteban Lopez on Unsplash

26 January 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset Positive

The Positive ratio

by Rockstar 24 January 2021

“Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative” – Barbara L. Fredrickson

In most of the books I read in the last couple of years, there was always a reference to Barbara’s best seller simply called “Positivity”. Almost three years ago, I finally had the opportunity to read her book and I must say it was above my expectations. A great eye-opener with clear scientific studies and evidence about positive thinking and how you will flourish in life with a positive mindset. Your thoughts strongly affect your level of positivity.

From the first to the last page, she is taking you in a positive roller coaster of amazing examples and scientific evidence why positive thinking is good for your health and well being. It starts with a story of a woman who overslept and need to rush to work and is already behind her schedule. The book describes two scenarios on how she can think and feel about the same situation in two completely different ways. This shows that, if you can control your thoughts about a situation you are very close to focus more on the positivity and flourish in your life.

The focus in the book is on ten (10) forms of positivity

Joy
Gratitude
Serenity
Interest
Hope
Pride
Amusement
Inspiration
Awe
Love

Those ten forms of positivity are the basis for the six (6) facts of positivity that she describes in her book:

Fact 1: Positivity feels good

Fact 2: Positivity changes how your mind works

Fact 3: Positivity transforms your future

Fact 4: Positivity puts the break on negativity

Fact 5: Positivity obeys a tipping point

Fact 6: You can increase your positivity

All these six facts are backed up by studies and scientific evidence to prove them right.

For me the book has two main key elements that will help me in the future of creating a positive life style.

First one is fact 2: Positivity changes how your mind works -> Positivity broadens your mind and the second is fact 5: Positivity obeys a tipping point -> A positive ratio >3-to-1 forecast flourishing.

Positivity Broaden your mind

Positivity opens your mind and expends our range of vision. A broaden mind changes the way you think and act in a wider range of circumstances. When you see more, more ideas are coming to your mind hence more actions become possible. Although this broaden mindscape is temporary, it creates the needed mind space. You escape the tightness of negativity and gain elbowroom for greater flexibility and seeing the big picture.

Positive ratio >3 to 1

Yes, there is indeed a magic number to feel better and flourish in life. After many different studies the outcome was that the tipping point was a positive ration of 2.9013 to 1, or easier 3 to 1. Which means that that you need 3 positive emotions against 1 negative emotion. If you want to flourish you need you extend the 3 to 1 and go for 4, 5 or 6. The maximum is 11 after that studies shows that there is no extra affect. The optimal ratio tested is 4 to 1.

Under the 3 to 1 you have a big change to fall into a depression. The great thing about the book it that it comes with a “Positive self test” to calculate your ratio at a certain moment in your life. This test will look at the 10 positive forms: Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe and Love. Next to the positive forms the test will also look at the 10 negative forms; Angry, Ashamed, Contemptuous, Disgust, Embarrassed, Guilty, Hate, Sad, Scared and Stressed.

You can do this test online as well: http://www.positivityresonance.com/

I reckon you start filling out this test on a regular basis and see how you are progressing. I can tell you it really works! Life feels so much better and is more fun when you flourish so go for the 4-1 and set your target maybe at 5-1 or 6-1!

I would like to finish this blog post with a personal experience that is also described in the book and this experience is another good example of evidence about the good things of positivity. In chapter 6 the book describes that a positive mind gives you more power to bounce back from life challenges. The book use examples of people with resilient personality bounced back stronger after 9/11; they become more optimistic, more tranquil, and more fulfilled.

In the summer of 2017, my family and I enjoyed a holiday on the Greece Island of Kos, where I actually finished reading the Positivity book on the 20^th of July. The picture above this blog is actually taken on the beach when I finished the book. Later that night when we were all asleep we experienced one of the scariest moments in our life…. a 6.7 earthquake with the epicentre 30KM away in the sea from our hotel.

It was 1.31am Greece time so the whole family was in deep sleep. I woke up from the shocking earth and felt the cortisol in my veins and within 5 seconds I was outside, carrying my youngest daughter. All of us were in shock. The next morning after some after shocks the family was still in shock from the big earthquake and I realised that we are very lucky because there was no damage in our hotel and we are not injured. Unfortunately a collapsing wall in a bar killed 2 people in the town of Kos. With the gratitude that my family was all right after the big earthquake and that no really big aftershocks are expected I was already enjoying my holiday, felt relax and happy to be in Greece. Other people in the hotel found it harder to overcome fear they felt during the earthquake. In the end we had a great holiday with only a couple of aftershocks we felt but I realised that my physical heart is filled with resilience and that I react differently to stress compared to the year before, when I had my burn-out.

Reading “Positivity” is definitely one of my biggest recommendations towards a positive lifestyle!

24 January 2021 0 comment

Books Mindset Positive Transformation

Mixing the right chemicals

by Rockstar 20 January 2021

A couple of weeks after I got diagnosed of a burn-out, I started to read again management books and I had bought “Leaders eat last” from Simon Sinek prior my burn-out but didn’t had the time to stat reading it. The initial goal for buying this book was to learn more about leadership but I didn’t realise that this book changed my life in a very positive way, not about leadership but how four chemicals in your brain can make you more confident and feel more positivity in your live.

The four chemicals

Simon describes in his book that there are four chemicals, so called neurotransmitters in your brain that drives positive feeling, confidence and trust. When you feel overwhelmed you have a bigger change of getting a burn-out and these four chemicals, when in balance, can support you in your recovery from a burn out, but even better they can also prevent you from getting a burn-out. These four chemicals are: Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.

None of these chemicals is better that the other. All of them serve a specific purpose. They need to be in balance in order to feel good and positive. Endorphin and Dopamine are known as the “selfish chemicals”. We can get them on our own. Serotonin and Oxytocin are the “selfless chemicals”. We need others to get these chemicals in our brains.

Endorphin

The chemical Endorphin will be released in your brain in order to support your body with physical pain. You might be aware of what is called ‘Runners high’. When you are running you notice that after a couple of miles you feel pain in your muscles or knee. Your brain will release some Endorphin so that it will mask your pain and you can continue running. Another example when your brain is releasing Endorphin is when you are laughing, so I reckon you laugh a lot every single day!

Dopamine

When you need to focus on your goals, your brain will release some small shots of Dopamine to keep you going and motivated. When you reach your goal your brain will release a big shot of Dopamine to make you feel great, confident and happy. A balanced way of getting shots of Dopamine is really good to keep you going and motivated in order to get things done. But the biggest risk with Dopamine is that it is very addictive, so it is very dangerous. (Online) gambling, Internet, smoking, social media, alcohol etc. they all will release good shots of Dopamine, so be careful!

Serotonin

The Serotonin is a selfless chemical and can only be released when others are involved. It will for example be released when a group of people (colleagues, friends etc.) work together to solve a problem or reach a goal. It will strengthen our human bonds. When the whole team is recognised and rewarded for their behaviour or good work together, they all will get a good shot of Serotonin, which give them a feeling of respect, confidence, status and pride.

Oxytocin

This is my personal favourite one of all four – Oxytocin is what is called the ‘happiness chemical’ and I already briefly mentioned it in the post about 25 ideas to be happy .This chemical will encourage serving others. When helping others, for example very simple things, like giving a tip in a restaurant or helping your friend moving houses, both you and the other person will get a shot of Oxytocin and this will make you and the other person feel better and positive.

Oxytocin is also released by human contact like high fives, handshakes, big and long hugs or doing volunteer work at homeless shelter for example.

A very important effect of Oxytocin is that our bodies are less susceptible to the addictiveness of Dopamine and the most important effect is that Oxytocin makes you feel better capable of handling stress. This was my biggest support during my burn-out. Just before and during my burn out my body was full of the stress hormone ‘Cortisol’. When you brain is releasing shots of Oxytocin the stress hormone Cortisol will be lowered in your body and you immune system will be stronger with Oxytocin.

That’s why it is so important that you get help and support from others during and after your burn-out.

Cortisol

As said, Cortisol was making overtime during my burn-out and period of anxiety in my life. Short boosts of Cortisol are good and can protect you from potential danger, you go into the fight or flight mode. When Cortisol is released, your immune system is turned off and our body is releasing a boost of adrenaline in your blood stream to really fight or flight. When the danger is over the amount of cortisol will be lowered and you will feel more relax.

When we have cortisol in our bodies more often than we are supposed to have, it can become dangerous. This is what often happens during a burn-out, especially when you feel stressed there will be a constant flow of Cortisol in your body. When the level of Cortisol is going up, the level of Oxytocin is going down. This will weaken our immune system and can cause serious health issues.

Your task is to keep the four chemicals in good balance to decrease the level of constant Cortisol in your brain. It will make you feel better, happier and you see things in a more positive way.

My advice:

Laugh a lot to release Endorphin
Focus on your goals to release Dopamine
Work together to release Serotonin,
Help others to release Oxytocin and decrease your stress hormone Cortisol.

I recommend you to watch this 45 min video from Simon.

Photo by Jesse Martini on Unsplash

20 January 2021 0 comment

Lifehack Mindset Positive

Plan potential crisis situations

by Rockstar 18 January 2021

A common situation for persons who suffer from a burn-out is the fact that they are afraid for having a downturn when there are setbacks on their way back to a positive lifestyle. They have a fear falling back into the crisis situations they had before and during their burn-out. I felt exactly the same.

While I strongly believe in having a positive mindset and focusing on the inner side of our circle of influence, I think it is vital to prepare yourself for potential crisis situations that will occur on your way back recovering from a burn-out.

See it more as a back-up tool, a defence line to support you in becoming a much stronger person. It’s a very good tool to overcome all the hurdles you will find on your way. Trust me crisis situations will occur, you will make mistakes, feel anxious and maybe feel depressed because some crisis situations might throw you back at your ‘old state’ before your burn-out. But you are a strong and committed person and will also survive these setbacks. You can do this, but might need some help. That’s ok.

Planning crisis situations really helped me in my burn-out recovery. My mind set, feelings, positive thoughts and how I live my everyday life, it’s hundred times better than when I was burned out. Planning potential crisis situations definitely helped in a positive way of what I have achieved.

How to plan potential crisis situations?

The first thing you should do is writing down all the crisis situations you had prior to your burn-out. All the things you feel stressed or anxious about and played a big role in actually getting your burn-out. When you have written down these situations, the next step is to write down how you reacted to these situations and what your feeling was.

Next to that you need to write down how you ‘wanted’ to react and feel. Then you write down what you need to do in order to react and feel like you want to do. When you have done this a couple of times you start to create a list of potential crisis situations and how to react to these.

See an example below

Situation	Old reaction / feeling	Wanted reaction / feeling	How to get this feeling?
I got a lot of requests from colleagues and my manager at work	I said yes to all requests hence I don’t have time to focus. I didn’t finish my work in time and quality. This made me feeling bad and insecure	I want to say more no, because saying yes to all requests is saying no to what is important. I want to focus and deliver in time with quality	Saying no to ALL requests that are not inline with my objectives. Be very clear to the requester what my objective is to set clear expectations. Be hones that this request is not my priority.

Planning crisis situations can also be used in keeping new habits or stopping old habits like smoking, gambling etc. When you start using this tool during your crisis situations, you will realise how strong you will become and how proud you feel when you overcame crisis situation. It can really support you in our journey for a positive lifestyle, because you feel more confident that you can handle the situation.

In order to really make this work I reckon you add another layer to this and start rewarding yourself every time you managed a crisis situation like you have planned it. Think about small rewards like, taking a warm bath, watching and extra episode on Netflix, listen to your favourite music on Spotify, read a book or just lay in the sun and relax and enjoy that you have done an amazing job. Don’t reward yourself with big things like buying the guitar your always wanted or those shoes, especially when you are a shopping addict. Keep it small so that you can do it every time you succeed.

Planning potential crisis situations looks like cognitive behaviour therapy but it is different, I will write a different post dedicated to cognitive behaviour therapy at a later stage.

As said, you will make mistakes during your great burn-out recovery journey. That is perfectly fine and even mandatory because it is a part of the overall process. Using the planned crisis situations take some time but you will be able to do it. The trick is to be aware that setbacks will happen and that you are well prepared to fight against these crisis situations. It will make you a stronger and positive person.

Photo by Daniel Cheung on Unsplash

18 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Mindset Positive

How to deal with disappointments and setbacks

by Rockstar 13 January 2021

One of the first steps towards a positive lifestyle is to accept that life is full of disappointments and setbacks. Don’t ignore them or push them away from your life, just accept that they are a part of our everyday life.

Relationships ends, friendships ends, a job that you applied for will not start, you have a bad day, friends will die….unfortunately shit happens and you know what, it is ok to feel shit about it, it is ok to show your emotions, it is ok to have a bad day, it is ok to cry out loud!

A positive lifestyle doesn’t mean you should be happy and positive 24hours a day, 7 days a week about everything that happens in your life, that is impossible.

Feeling sad about the shit that happens in your life is good for the treatment of pain and grief. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself once in awhile.

But you need to accept that sometimes there is nothing you can do about it and that what ever you do, you can’t influence a situation (anymore). When you feel bad because you want to go out running but is start raining, there is nothing you can change about it, it is not in your circle of influence. Feel shit about it and make a decision, stay inside and watch an episode on Netflix or accept the rain and go out running. Don’t let it ruin your whole day. Whatever you decide is good as long as you accept it and let it go.

The same goes if you girlfriend or boyfriend break up with you, feel sorry for yourself, cry, maybe drink some beers or a bottle of white wine and cry even more, but learn to accept it and move on with your life. Be grateful of what you still have like clean water from the shower, food on the table, a house to live in. I will write more about being grateful in another post.

When I’m writing this post about the fact that that you need to accept it I realise it sounds easy but I understand it is not easy and it will take some efforts, pain and time before you find your flow in accepting that you can’t change things that are not in your circle of influence.

Big steps can be made once you can accept that shit happens in your life. In Buddhism this is called “Dukkha” – which is translated as incapable of satisfying and sometimes it is translated as suffering which is an incorrect translation, since it refers not to literal suffering, but to the ultimately unsatisfactory nature of temporary states and things, including pleasant but temporary experiences (source – Wikipedia).

My advise on how to deal with disappointment and setbacks:

Feel the pain, cry and be emotional when you feel that is needed
Decide if the event in your circle of influence
- No -> Accept it and move on
- Yes -> Decide what you can do about it and just do it, don’t wait, go fucking do it!
Ask yourself if this disappointment or setback creates an opportunity for me and what can I learn from it
Talk about it with your friends, parents or even colleagues – > don’t keep it for yourself but share your thoughts. Find someone to talk about it. The fact that someone is listening will support you in acceptance
Try the 3 to 1 rule. There are 3 positive events needed to cover for 1 negative event
Count your blessings, focus on what you have and be grateful
Focus on the ‘now’, all we have is now and not the past
Disappointments and setbacks are not the end or a journey, keep on going and the story about the Beatles is inspiring – The record company Decca rejected a record deal with the Beatles with the famous quote “Guitar groups are on their way out”

So always keep going and never give up!

Music always inspires me to move on:

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm, there’s a golden sky
And the sweet, silver song of a lark

(Gerry & the Pacemakers – You’ll Never Walk Alone)

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

(REM – everybody hurts)

Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash

13 January 2021 0 comment