Category:

Transformation

Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses

by Rockstar 26 January 2021

“Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses.”- Marilyn vos Savant

I’m born and raised in The Netherlands and it is not very common in our culture to speak about the great things your have achieved in your life. As soon as you are proud of an achievement, people think you are arrogant hence we have a tendency to not speak about our strengths. This is different in the US where it is normal to speak openly about successes and strengths.

When you ask people to name their strengths and weaknesses, they always start with naming their weaknesses, try it with your fiends and you will see that most of them can easily name some of their weaknesses and feel uncomfortable to speak about their strengths.

It’s the same in businesses where most of the focus is on fixing weaknesses. Strategy workshops always start with the so-called SWOT analysis and you will see that most of the time and actions are based on fixing the weaknesses. What companies should do is to focus more efforts on the strengths of the company; it’s products, services and employees. So focus more on the ‘S’ in the SWOT analysis. How can they do more of their strengths and how can they become better and transform from a good into a great company.

If you focus on the weaknesses; it’s like training Messi to become the best goalkeeper, that won’t work. All he does is to be an even better striker for Barcelona and score more goals. Focus on the strengths and you will see more success!

It should be common sense that for a positive life style you should focus on your strengths instead of your weakness but unfortunately the vast majority of us are trying to solve their weaknesses. Successful companies like Tesla, Google, Spotify and Facebook focus their vast majority of their time on their strengths and get even better at it.

For a lot of people it will feels uncomfortable start focusing more on their strengths but I would like to challenge you in starting to write down your strengths on a piece of paper or in your digital note taker like Evernote. You can do this in different ways;

Take a piece of paper and write down all your strengths in the next 15 min. Don’t think too much about it, just write down everything that you can think of
Incubate it into your daily routine / habit like describe in one of my previous blog posts. Everyday you need to write down at least one strength you have. Do this exercise for the next 60 days.

It doesn’t matter what kind of strength it is and how “big” it is. A couple of examples:

I’m a very good listener
I’m always supportive to my kids while doing their homework
I make the best pasta you have ever tasted
I’m the best guitar player in my hometown
I’m always friendly when stranger ask me a question
I have set up a successful business

Again it is not how “big” your strengths are it is about the acknowledgement and realization that you have strengths and trust me everybody have strengths, a lot!

Whatever your decide on how to document your strengths, make sure they are easy to find and they are all in one place because her comes the trick….every time you think about a ‘weakness’ or when somebody reminds you of one of your ‘weaknesses’ grab your list and ad random pick three strengths and read them out loud so that if somebody was standing next to you he or she could hear you speak. After a while you will realize that the three strengths will overrule your “weakness”.

After a couple of weeks when you have trained your mind you will see that you will start thinking more about your strengths and become more positive in your self believe hence your will do more of what you are good at.

Focusing on your strengths is somethings that is coming from the positive psychology and mainly from one of my biggest inspirators – Martin Seligman. In his book “Authentic Happiness” he is talking about Character Strengths and Virtues. There are 6 classes of virtues that are made up of 24-character strengths.

The six virtues are:

Wisdom
Courage
Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Transcendence

Each virtue contains of character strengths

1. Wisdom

Creativity

Clever
Original & Adaptive
Problem Solver

Curiosity

Interested
Explores new things
Open to new ideas

Judgment

Critical thinker
Thinks things thorough
Open-minded

Love of learning

Masters new skills & topics
Systematically adds to knowledge

Perspective

Wise
Provides wise counsel
Takes the big picture view

2. Courage

Bravery

Shows valor
Doesn’t shrink from fear
Speaks up for what is right

Perseverance

Persistent
Industrious
Finishes what one start

Honesty

Authentic
Trustworthy
Sincere

Zest

Enthusiastic
Energetic
Doesn’t do things half-heartedly

3. Humanity

Love

Warm and genuine
Values close relationships

Kindness

Generous
Nurturing
Caring
Compassionate • Altruistic

Social Intelligence

Aware of the motives and feelings of self/others
Knows what makes others tick

4. Justice

Teamwork

Team player
Socially responsible
Loyal

Fairness

Just
Doesn’t let feelings bias decisions about others

Leadership

Organizes group activities
Encourages a group to get things done

5. Temperance

Forgiveness

Merciful
Accepts others’ shortcomings
Gives people a second chance

Humility

Modest
Lets one’s accomplishments speak for themselves

Prudence

Careful
Cautious
Doesn’t take undue risks

Self-regulation

Self-controlled
Disciplined
Manages impulses and emotions

6. Transcendence

Appreciation of beauty & Excellence

Feels awe and wonder in beauty
Inspired by goodness of others

Gratitude

Thankful for the good
Expresses thanks
Feels blessed

Hope

Optimistic
Future-minded
Future Orientated

Humor

Playful
Brings smiles to others
Lighthearted

Spirituality

Searches for meaning
Feels a sense of purpose
Senses a relationship with the sacred

More information about each character strengths can be found here

In order to find your own personal character strengths, you can do an online test and answer 240 questions – > https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires/survey-character-strengths

Based on this test you will find your 5 so called signature strengths. I can share my 5 signature strengths based on the test I did:

Perseverance
Fairness
Leadership
Gratitude
Humor

My goal is to use these 5 signature strengths in my everyday life. Both in my working and private life and see if I can strengthen these character strengths even more.

During the next couple of days, I would like to challenge you to focus more on your strengths and see how you can do more of those and become even better in your strengths. This is much easier than to eliminate a weakness and to become better in your strengths will also give you more joy and happiness in your everyday life. It will also increase your motivation curve to focus on the strength and the positive things and that will give your more energy!

Start focusing on your strengths!

Please find some good video’s on YouTube about discovering your signature strengths

Photo by Esteban Lopez on Unsplash

26 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Mindset Transformation

The power of our thoughts

by Rockstar 23 January 2021

There is a famous quote by Buddha – “The mind is everything and what we think we become” some skepticals don’t believe this is a quote from Buddha, and you know what, it doesn’t matter from who the quote is. It is just a very strong and powerful quote.

As already mentioned in a couple of other blogs, cognitive behaviour therapy helped me the most to overcome my burn-out. The mind is great but also one of the most dangerous and self-destruction piece of our human body. The first thing I learned during the cognitive behaviour sessions is that we really feel what we think, we think in visuals and words and that is connecting our behaviour and our feelings. When you are afraid of a spider, you ‘see’ the big hairy spider in your mind and your mind is even saying the words, “big hairy spider” and only by seeing the image and “saying” the words you are feeling anxious even when such a spider is not even nearby. This example shows how your thoughts, feelings and behaviour are so well connected.

Why is it that two persons in the same (for example stressful) situation can react and behave completely different? The short answer is that one person is thinking irrational and the other one has the ability to think rational. One cognitive behavioural therapy is called RET – Rational Effective Training. During my burn-out I mainly focused on the RET therapy.

One big conclusion about irrational thoughts is that these kinds of thoughts don’t help you to reach your goal. For example if I tell myself that during my working day I’m not allowed to make mistakes, I will not function better because I only think about, “o my god I’m not allowed to make mistakes”. This thought make me even function worse in most cases.

A couple of well known irrational thoughts:

Unhealthy perfectionism; like the example above, when you tell yourself that you are not allowed to make a mistake. Perfectionism can be good, but the danger lies in the exaggeration of the perfectionism.
Disaster thinking; By every potential thing that can go wrong you think it is the end of the world, like if your boss says something harsh to you, you immediately think that you will get fired.
Low frustration tolerance; when you don’t like a task and already think that you can’t do it. The idea is that you think life must be much easier. Things in life are not always easy but you can do it – most people give up to easily.
Addiction to love and respect; some of us don’t realise but they want that the whole world loves them and they want to be seen as a nice person. Trust me you can’t be everybody’s friend.
Demands on the world; this is related to the irrational demand we have of other people around us and in the world. You want that others behave like you want them to do. For example, “Wars are not allowed to exist”. These irrational thoughts are linked to the circle of influence

ABC tool of cognitive behaviour therapy

Activating event; what happened

Believe; our ideas and thoughts

Consequence; feelings, emotions and behaviour

A -> B -> C

We all make the mistake that we think and blame the activity for our feelings (emotions) and behaviour but in reality it is our ideas and thoughts (Believes) that causes your feelings (emotions).

The five main stress emotions / feelings are:

Fear
Anger
Depressions
Guilt
Sadness

How can we train ourselves in rational thinking and stop all unnecessary irrational thinking that causes us so much pain, stress and negative feelings and have more positive and happy emotions?

This is possible in a 3-step process with a purpose to change your thoughts.

Analyse; which thoughts are making you unhappy
Change; replace your irrational thoughts with rational thoughts
Integrate new thoughts; through training you can learn to focus on rational thoughts hence you can change your behaviour

Since this is serious shit I urge you to take the time and don’t speed up in these steps, especially step 2 and 3 can take weeks or even month. Hang in there it will work in the end, just make sure you take all the time and discipline for you to get familiar with this change in thinking.

First thing is to analyse your thoughts by asking yourself three questions:

Are my thoughts based on facts? Is it really true what I think and can I prove that this is true?
Are these thoughts helpful in reaching my goal? Set your goal and ask yourself the question
Philosophical questions like, are these thoughts logical and in line in how I want to live my life

For every irrational thought you should ask yourself these three questions. Please find one example below based on “Unhealthy perfectionism”:

Thought: I’m not allowed to make a mistake, because when I do so, I’m a dumbass

First questions based on facts:

Who says that I’m not allowed to make a mistake?
Can I do this task without a mistake?
What is actually a mistake?

Second questions based on my goal:

Does my thoughts really help to reach my goal?
Can I be better with these thoughts in my mind?

Third questions based on Philosophical questions:

Am I suddenly less valuable when I make a mistake?
What makes me a dumbass when making a mistake?
Is there anybody in the world that can do this without (small) mistakes?

The analysing part is crucial because you need to see that your thoughts are irrational and once you realise that, you can go to step two and replacing the thought with the thoughts and behaviour you want in such a situation.

One trick I learned to understand and question my irrational thought is to “challenge” them. Write down all the pro’s and Con’s of these thoughts and you will see that they are not rational.

I used a very simple thought scheme, first in MS word, later in Evernote and since I’m trained (step 3) I can actually do it on the fly in my head. When you at that stage you have made an amazing progress in stopping irrational thinking.

Thought scheme in an 8-step process

Activating event (A)
Feeling / Emotions (C)
Behaviour (C)
Thoughts that led to the feeling and behaviour (B)
Challenge your thoughts with Pro’s and Con’s – are your thoughts realistic?
What is a more realistic (rational) thought? (New B)
Feeling after formulating new realistic thoughts (New C)
Action plan on the wanted behaviour

See example below:

As said, it will take a lot of practice but ones you know how to replace your irrational thought by rational thoughts it will give you all the freedom and happiness to live the life you want and deserve, because don’t forget……You decide what you should think!

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

23 January 2021 0 comment

Mindset Transformation

Who to blame for your burn-out?

by Rockstar 22 January 2021

It sounds a bit controversial but you are 100% responsible for your burn-out so stop blaming others and don’t walk away from your responsibility! You are in charge of your life.

The positive thing about this is that you and only you can change the situation you are in. It starts by accepting that your burn-out is your own responsibility and that you can start taking back the control of your life.

Friday 13^th of May 2016 is a date I will never forget. On that day my burn-out kicked in when I started to cry behind my laptop. I immediately started to blame others for this situation. My manager, my colleagues and even my friends because they haven’t supported me when needed. But how could they know when I always told people that all things were fine. When I felt shit, I just wanted to blame others and make them feel responsible for my burn-out. This is of course ridicules, we can’t blame others for how we feel, we are the boss of our own body, our thoughts and our life!

It sound easy, as always, but how the hell can you start taking back control of your life?

Embracing your own responsibility
Face the brutal truth
Create an action plan based on the brutal truth
Take control of your reaction to others
Be yourself again

1. Embracing your own responsibility

You need to understand and accept that you are responsible for your own life. With controlling your reaction between stimuli and response you set the basic for a good burn-out recovery. You can’t change others, only yourself, so stop wasting your time on blaming others and focus on your own responsibility.

2. Face the brutal truth

You need to be honest to yourself and analyse what and why things went wrong. It’s called the brutal truth so be brutal to yourself and describe everything in full detail. A couple of examples:

I didn’t really say what I wanted
I avoid conflicts
I think that my manager doesn’t like me
I think my team don’t take me serious
If I don’t work tonight, they might think I’m lazy
I feel insecure when I talk to the management team
I always say yes, but I don’t have time for this and want to say no

3. Create an action plan based on the brutal truth

When you have outlined your brutal truth, you need to create a plan on how you can change your life and get the control back. Scrip all the moves / needed actions you need to do. For example

I didn’t really say what I wanted
- Write down what I want to say prior to a meeting and try to say at least one thing of the list. When this is going well you can increase it to two, three etc. topics you want to say in a meeting. Start small and have quick results, good for your dopamine!
I avoid conflicts
- Notice the next time you avoid a conflict, write down how you wanted to react and tell yourself that next time you will react this way. When done. reward yourself for this small success!
I think that my manager doesn’t like me
- Why? Who told you that? Did he or she told you or is this just your own thought? Remember that you don’t need to be everybody’s friend.

4. Take control of your reaction to others

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor E. Frankl

“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose.” Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words and our actions. We can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.

When you have the feeling that you can control all your reactions & feedback to others you have the greatest power in the world. As said it is your life and nobody has the right to make you feel shit. In the short time between stimuli and reaction you can make a difference.

How can you do this?

You need to teach yourself to take a pause between stimuli and your reaction by taking a deep breath, think and create a feeling of confidence inside you and choose your own reaction instead of a quick automatic reaction. Think about some alternative responses and choose the best one for your reaction. The same with the action plan of the brutal truth, take small baby steps and train yourself. Each time you choose the alternative, more positive response you will notice that you will be proud of yourself and that your response feels much better.

5. Be yourself again

Tell yourself to be yourself; we already have so many others. You have the right to live, you are born to be alive so tell your self that your life is worth living, you have a positive impact on others !

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

22 January 2021 0 comment

Books Mindset Positive Transformation

Mixing the right chemicals

by Rockstar 20 January 2021

A couple of weeks after I got diagnosed of a burn-out, I started to read again management books and I had bought “Leaders eat last” from Simon Sinek prior my burn-out but didn’t had the time to stat reading it. The initial goal for buying this book was to learn more about leadership but I didn’t realise that this book changed my life in a very positive way, not about leadership but how four chemicals in your brain can make you more confident and feel more positivity in your live.

The four chemicals

Simon describes in his book that there are four chemicals, so called neurotransmitters in your brain that drives positive feeling, confidence and trust. When you feel overwhelmed you have a bigger change of getting a burn-out and these four chemicals, when in balance, can support you in your recovery from a burn out, but even better they can also prevent you from getting a burn-out. These four chemicals are: Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.

None of these chemicals is better that the other. All of them serve a specific purpose. They need to be in balance in order to feel good and positive. Endorphin and Dopamine are known as the “selfish chemicals”. We can get them on our own. Serotonin and Oxytocin are the “selfless chemicals”. We need others to get these chemicals in our brains.

Endorphin

The chemical Endorphin will be released in your brain in order to support your body with physical pain. You might be aware of what is called ‘Runners high’. When you are running you notice that after a couple of miles you feel pain in your muscles or knee. Your brain will release some Endorphin so that it will mask your pain and you can continue running. Another example when your brain is releasing Endorphin is when you are laughing, so I reckon you laugh a lot every single day!

Dopamine

When you need to focus on your goals, your brain will release some small shots of Dopamine to keep you going and motivated. When you reach your goal your brain will release a big shot of Dopamine to make you feel great, confident and happy. A balanced way of getting shots of Dopamine is really good to keep you going and motivated in order to get things done. But the biggest risk with Dopamine is that it is very addictive, so it is very dangerous. (Online) gambling, Internet, smoking, social media, alcohol etc. they all will release good shots of Dopamine, so be careful!

Serotonin

The Serotonin is a selfless chemical and can only be released when others are involved. It will for example be released when a group of people (colleagues, friends etc.) work together to solve a problem or reach a goal. It will strengthen our human bonds. When the whole team is recognised and rewarded for their behaviour or good work together, they all will get a good shot of Serotonin, which give them a feeling of respect, confidence, status and pride.

Oxytocin

This is my personal favourite one of all four – Oxytocin is what is called the ‘happiness chemical’ and I already briefly mentioned it in the post about 25 ideas to be happy .This chemical will encourage serving others. When helping others, for example very simple things, like giving a tip in a restaurant or helping your friend moving houses, both you and the other person will get a shot of Oxytocin and this will make you and the other person feel better and positive.

Oxytocin is also released by human contact like high fives, handshakes, big and long hugs or doing volunteer work at homeless shelter for example.

A very important effect of Oxytocin is that our bodies are less susceptible to the addictiveness of Dopamine and the most important effect is that Oxytocin makes you feel better capable of handling stress. This was my biggest support during my burn-out. Just before and during my burn out my body was full of the stress hormone ‘Cortisol’. When you brain is releasing shots of Oxytocin the stress hormone Cortisol will be lowered in your body and you immune system will be stronger with Oxytocin.

That’s why it is so important that you get help and support from others during and after your burn-out.

Cortisol

As said, Cortisol was making overtime during my burn-out and period of anxiety in my life. Short boosts of Cortisol are good and can protect you from potential danger, you go into the fight or flight mode. When Cortisol is released, your immune system is turned off and our body is releasing a boost of adrenaline in your blood stream to really fight or flight. When the danger is over the amount of cortisol will be lowered and you will feel more relax.

When we have cortisol in our bodies more often than we are supposed to have, it can become dangerous. This is what often happens during a burn-out, especially when you feel stressed there will be a constant flow of Cortisol in your body. When the level of Cortisol is going up, the level of Oxytocin is going down. This will weaken our immune system and can cause serious health issues.

Your task is to keep the four chemicals in good balance to decrease the level of constant Cortisol in your brain. It will make you feel better, happier and you see things in a more positive way.

My advice:

Laugh a lot to release Endorphin
Focus on your goals to release Dopamine
Work together to release Serotonin,
Help others to release Oxytocin and decrease your stress hormone Cortisol.

I recommend you to watch this 45 min video from Simon.

Photo by Jesse Martini on Unsplash

20 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Lifehack Mindset Transformation

25 ideas to be happy

by Rockstar 19 January 2021

Feeling happy should not be an end goal or destination. Feeling happy should be an everyday way of living. Feeling happy is purely based on your own expectation of being happy. What makes me happy should not necessary make you happy.

Personally, I don’t think we should strive for happiness as final destination in our life. I prefer more to strive for satisfaction and feeling happy on your way to reach this. Our biggest problem in our search for happiness is our own expectations of what happiness should look and feels like. It’s not the end goal that should make you happy but the journey to satisfaction that makes you happy. The good thing with this is that satisfaction is based on your own expectations and expectations can be adapted and changes and set by yourself.

As said happiness is very personal so I won’t guarantee that the next 25 ideas can make you feel happy, hence I call them ideas and not ways to be happy.

1. Be grateful

In my daily routines blog, I wrote about how my daily GTD and 5 min journal is keeping me in control of my day. One very important factor in this daily routine is the part where I write down 3 things that I’m grateful of each and everyday. Just be grateful of what you already have in your life like clean drinking water, a house, a bed, cloths to wear etc. Your will realise that you have so much to be grateful of.

2. Take breaks

Throughout the day you need to take enough breaks. If you are familiar with the productivity technique Pomodoro you know how important it is to take regular breaks in order to keep the right focus. It will clear your mind and gives you more energy for the rest of the day. So don’t underestimate the power of 5 min breaks throughout your day. It’s even better to go for a walk outside during your break.

3. Do one new thing each day

To break the daily routine and to challenge yourself, I advise you to do at least one new thing each day. Watch a YouTube video of a new vlogger, eat a different salad or sandwich during your lunch, order a different coffee or tea, go to a new movie, listen to music your normally don’t listen to. Brush you your teeth with your “other” hand, so if you are left handed do it now with your right hand. Just a small change in your life can make you feel good.

4. Trust yourself

You are good as you are, trust your intuition and don’t overanalyse. Just do it when you think you should do it. You will see that without all the overanalyses and trusting your gut feeling, life will be more fun!

5. Exercise

Go out for a walk, a bike ride, a run, to the gym or walk your dog, play a game of soccer with your friends or kids, you name it. Do it and do it often because exercise is good for your mind and the health of your body.

6. Unclutter

Clean up your house, your garage or your clothing closet. Sell your old stuff that you don’t want or need anymore on eBay or give it away to people who can use it. An uncluttered home will give you a good feeling and giving it away for free will even give you a better feeling. See next idea.

7. Give away something

When you give away stuff for free or even give some support or helping somebody moving houses for example will release the feel-good hormone in your brain called oxytocin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin). So give a tip after a nice dinner, give your stuff you don’t need or want anymore to a homeless shelter or a thrift shop. You will feel good and you are helping other people to feel good as well!

8. Give positive feedback and praise

“Feedback is the breakfast for champions” – Kenneth Blanchard. When you notice that a family member, a co-worker or just somebody on the street is doing something you like, give positive feedback and praise this person for his or her good behaviour. It will make their day and will motivate them to do more of this. It will also make your day because while giving positive feedback and praise both of you will get a good shot of Oxytocin in your brain.

9. Meditate

Meditate every day, at least 5 min a day. In our busy lives we always have 5 min to set aside for a mediation session. The best time is in the morning when you just woke up or after your breakfast. It will give you the peace and calm you need during the rest of your day.

10. Stop comparing yourself

One of the biggest pitfalls for a positive lifestyle is to compare yourself with others. You can’t feel how other people are feeling. They might look happy with that new house and brand new car and their whole life they post on Facebook and Instagram but you don’t know their story. This is your life so focus on yourself and yourself only.

11. Always have a friendly mindset

Your mindset should always be friendly. Some people you meet might fight a battle you don’t know of. By being friendly you will see that the reaction of others will be different and, in most cases, they will adapt your kindness and change their behaviour and mindset as well in a more friendly way. Kindness should be the norm.

12. Choose your battles

Of course you need to fight for your rights but my advice is to be selective in your fights. In a lot of cases you will realise that you are fighting too many battles and that will make your exhausted and is a waste of time and energy. It is better to choose your battles and stop fighting for small, unimportant things that are not worth the fight.

13. Lear to say no

Saying yes to often mean that you can’t prioritise. Saying NO means saying Yes to something or someone else more prioritized. Saying No won’t make your popular right now but it will certainly will help you enjoy tomorrow.

14. Just Enjoy

Look around you and learn to enjoy the smallest things in life. The smell of fresh coffee, fresh baked bread, a smile on a kids face, the spring, the silence etc. Take the time and enjoy it with your full attention.

15. Grab somebodies hand

Start your day by grabbing somebodies hand, from your wife, daughter, your son or even better a total stranger. While grabbing their hand tell this person “All things will be fine” and give a big hug. The smile on this persons face is priceless and it will give you both a perfect kick-start of the day.

16. Stop complaining for a day

We all complain and that’s fine unless you do it all day long and talk about all your complains to others each and everyday. Try having a day without any complains, because the truth is that complaining won’t solve anything. Try it for a day and if you like it try to do it at least one day a week – call it “no complain day”. Each time you complain during that day you need to put some money in a jar. Each month with the money in the jar you buy something for somebody else.

17. Focus on your strengths

Each evening when you go to bed, write down all the things that went well that day. Behaviour that you are proud of, deploying a new habit, stopped unwanted behaviour, the conversation you had with a stranger, the support you gave to a co-worker etc. Write it down and at the end of each week read them all again in one go. Celebrate all the good things you do in your life! You are good and you do good things!

18. 15 min worrying

Overthinking and worrying can turn into anxiety. There is a very simple method and easy to try. Take a notebook or a piece of paper, and plan in 15 min a day. Every time when you start worrying or overthinking situations tell yourself to wait until your scheduled 15 minutes. When it is time for your 15 min worrying moment, write down all your thoughts and after 15 min close your notebook and stop overthinking. Remember yourself each time you have these 15 min to write down all your worries. It won’t be easy in the first couple of days but keep trying and you will realise it is magical for your mind!

19. Don’t be so serious

Life is great and a lot of fun. Please don’t take everything so serious, release your inner child. Feel, think and act like a child once in a while. Dance, sing and make a lot of fun in your life. Smiling is the best route to a positive lifestyle.

20. You are great

It will make you feel great when you realise that you are amazing just the way you are today. Don’t change yourself for other people, be yourself because you are great! You are born to be alive so live YOUR life and not somebody else’s life.

21. Take your time

Some say you need to live your life like everyday is your last day. That’s bull shit, because like this you are afraid of dying each day and you are so stressed each day that you need to do all the things you want in one day. Good things will take time hence I advise to take the time you need. That doesn’t mean that you need to overthink all your ideas, make a decision, plan it and execute. We only have 24h in a day and you need to calm down, have breaks and don’t have too much time pressure. As said don’t wait too long with your ideas; decide, plan and do it! But don’t forget to take breaks and that things take time to grow!

22. Focus on what you can influence

We worry too much about things we can’t influence, like the weather, the bad news on television, views from others etc. As written in my blog about the circle of influence. The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

23. Be romantic

It sound a bit controversial but have sex, sex is great. With yourself or even better with somebody you love. Take the time for this, start with a nice dinner, candle light, right music, massage and just let yourself go into the moment and release the happiness hormone in your brain. And don’t forget that sex is very good for your health as well.

24. Show love

Love should be everywhere and is the basic for life, share it with abundance with your family and friends. Tell them, let them feel it, hug them, just do something for them that show your love for them. Giving love feels better than getting it. When you give a lot you will get a lot. Be generous with giving your love and let the ones close to you, your husband, wife, kids, parents, grandparents know on a regular basis, daily!

25. Rocknroll!

The use of mantra’s is very powerful and will keep you focus on a positive mindset. My mantra is Let’s fucking rock n roll (LFRNR). It makes me feel happy each day. When I wake up and step out of bed I say LFRNRN. When I need strengths or confident like an important meeting or when I feel insecure I say it out load. I strongly advise you to define your own mantra that works best for you and that is the closed to you as a person.

I hope that some of these 25 ideas will inspire you to bring more happiness and positivity in your live.

Photo by Fernando Brasil on Unsplash

19 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Lifehack Transformation

Daily routines, GTD and 5-minute journal

by Rockstar 15 January 2021

As mentioned in my introduction I’m a big evangelist of the Getting things done (GTD) methodology from David Allen. 11 years ago, I was so busy at work and at home that I felt lost. I have been working with to-do lists and time management but didn’t got a feeling that I was in control. I searched on the Internet and got interested in GTD and bought the book from David Allen. I first read it in English and later also in my own Dutch languish. Since I work in the digital industry, I don’t want to use an offline tool for this so I searched for an online tool and tried out a couple of tools like Springpad, but in the end I really started to love Evernote and since the last 10 years I’m using Evernote every single day.

I will not going to explain how GTD works, I think there are a lot of other great blogs, articles, books and video’s about how GTD can be helpful to have a stress less and controlled life.

During my burn out I realised that for whatever reason I was too busy to update my daily GTD and I stopped working in a structured way. Later I found out that this was the beginning of my burnout – I’m always in control and I felt it slipping out of my hands. During my “recovery time” at home I started to read again about GTD and decided to make it my daily routine again. I wrote down a new daily routine, a morning, afternoon and evening routine. I promised myself that I would try this for at least 60 days to see how this works. During the same time, I also started to visit a psychologist and she told me that she was impressed about the discipline I had when I told her about this new routine. Her comment gave me more motivation to continue with these routines.

I also started to read about the 5 min journal and how this can give a positive start and end of your day. I decided to create my own version in Evernote and add into my daily routine.

Morning routine

First thing when I wake up is to be thankful and say my mantra or some affirmations
Then I go to the bathroom to drink a glass of water
During showering I count my blessings and be thankful of what I have
During breakfast I write down:
- At least 1 daily fun activity I want to do today
- One activity that inspire me
- 3 things I’m grateful of
- Daily affirmation
- Write down the three (3) most important goals to make my day great
- Define my daily GTD – actions for today
After breakfast I do a 10min mediation
I start the day with “eat the live frog first” so first do the hardest thing on my GTD action list

Afternoon routine

Go out during lunch and walk for at least 20 min and don’t eat behind my laptop
At least 15 – 30 min concentrated readings
Take regular breaks during the day

Evening routines

Reflection of the day
- Write down three amazing things that happened today
- Write down at least one thing how I could have made my day better
Prepare the next day, and already add actions in one of my GTD notebooks in Evernote
Glass of water before going to bed
Read in a book for at least 30 minutes
Visualisation – visualise a positive life and what I want to achieve for at least 7 min

Weekly routines

Do regular drum rudiments – as drummer you need to keep your technique on a good level. I rehears at least once a week with my band
Running – started to run at least 5 km during the weekend and I’m now on 15 km each weekend

In the first couple of weeks, I only did this during working days (Mon-Fri) but moved is slowly to each day of the week, so also Saturdays and Sundays. In order to keep track and keep the discipline I have created a “Daily GTD & 5 min journal” notebook in Evernote and update this everyday. At the end of the day I copy and past this into my Google calendar so I have all the history available when I want to look it up. For me this is like dopamine and it really supports me in a positive, controlled and satisfied lifestyle.

An example of the “Daily GTD & 5 min journal” template looks like this:

Daily fun activity: Watch last episodes of Stranger Things on Netflix

(There are thousand of things that you can do that are fun. Since we are all very busy, always pick at least 1 daily fun activity and make sure you do it. Like watching an episode (or 5 🙂 ) on Netflix, read a book, take a bath, etc. just do something that is fun and makes you happy – get your dopamine.)

I’m grateful for:

That we have clean water at home
That all family members are healthy
That my kids can go to school and learn

(Due to our busy life we sometimes forget how grateful we should be with all the things we take for grated but a lot people don’t even have; savings on our bank account, clean water, a car, a house, electricity, healthcare, a television, a phone etc. Just count all your blessings each day and you will be surprised how many you have.)

Daily affirmation: Today I will feel relax and don’t get stressed when somebody will piss me off

(Just pick one daily affirmation that you will do and keep yourself reminding about it during that day – it should start with “Today I……”. Example are; Today I forgive others, Today I will say no to things I don’t want, Today I start with a healthy life, Today I make it a great day etc. This really helps to start your day with a positive and actionable kick-start)

Most important daily goals to make my day great:

Really call that friend I haven’t spoken for weeks
Start to write a new blog
Bring the kids to bed and talk or read a bedtime story for them

(There are a lot of task want to do during a day, but just pick only three that you really want to do to make your day great, so if you do these three that makes your day feel fulfilled and satisfied)

Daily GTD:

Meditation
Action 1
Action 2
Etc.

(Write down all your actions for today and use a tick box so that you can tick them off when they are ready and done, include your three important daily goals in here as well. Tasks that are not finished you move them to another day based on the GTD methodology)

Three amazing things that happened today:

I called my friend and we spend 1h on the phone and we had a good laugh
I finished a new blog post
My son played a great match today and his team won and all the smiles on their faces are priceless

(Add at least three amazing things that happened today, it could be things from your action list but also spontaneous things that felt great during today)

How could I have made today better: Since I was writing a blog post I didn’t spend the time with my kids bringing them to bed, as I wanted. I need to reprioritise the wring of a blog post.

(At the end of the day always reflect on how you could have made the day better, only one thing and don’t be to harsh on yourself, it should be something you can improve easily. You can always improve things)

I hope this will help you to think about and deploy your own daily routines towards a positive life.

Since a couple of weeks, I’m implementing the Miracle Morning in my live – more about this in a later post

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

15 January 2021 2 comments

Inspiration Lifehack Transformation

How reminder cards supported me in my burn-out recovery

by Rockstar 14 January 2021

In advertising you have the “the power of repetition”. Very strong brands like Apple, Coca Cola, Lego are still spending million of dollars in advertising to keep the brand on top of our minds.

In todays world we get thousands of stimuli everyday, we have hundreds of things we need to do so our brain needs reminders to have brands or actions on top of our mind.

This is also needed when changing a behaviour or adapting a new routine (or habit). There is a myth that it takes 21 days for a new routine to be a part of your behaviour, but multiple studies showed that it take much longer, around 66 days.

21 days or 66 days, I think the length doesn’t matter, it is the whole route to get adapted to the new behaviour and for me I needed to be reminded of my goals and the behaviour that I wanted to change. Since I already had a busy life before my burn-out I didn’t want to fall into the get-back-to-my-busy-life pitfall and needed to think about a system how to remind myself about the ‘deal’ I made with myself to come back stronger.

I started to write a daily journal about my feelings but realised this wasn’t working and after a week I realised this is not the tool that will support me in adapting a new behaviour that is need to change my life. I went to a store that sell office supplies and found some small cards and immediately I had the idea to create some kind of reminder cards that I could take with me during the day.

I must say this was one of the best ideas I found myself, all other ideas I found online or I have read in books but this idea just came up and it turned out to be very successful for me.

The same day I bought the cards I wrote all things I needed to remind myself about and started to implement these reminder cards on a daily basis. Each day I just picked a couple of cards and started to read them out load and asked myself if I was still on track. If yes, great. If not, change and refocus. Another learning was to reward myself with small things if I have lived by my new routine during the day. Some small reward examples: give myself time to read a book, buy a book or something small. Just to get my dopamine rewarded. This really worked for me.

Below you can find some real examples I added to my reminder cards:

On the first card I wrote was an old manta of mine – Let’s Fucking Rock N Roll
Eat the live frog first, which means start with the hardest and difficult action first thing stimuli in the morning, don’t wait with it until the end of the day
2 minutes power pose – please watch this video from Amy Cuddy – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7dWsJ-mEyI
How often did I say “No” today?
Did I avoid a conflict today? If yes how will I change this?
Speak up!
I make my own chooses, also how I react on negativity
What are my 3 most important tasks for today?
Don’t wait for a good day; just make it a good day!
Be grateful – count your blessings
Enjoy good memories
Who did I help today and what kind of positivity did I give that person?
Focus – do one thing at a time
Are the things I do now a part of my overall goal?
Indecision is killing, better to take a wrong decision than no decision
Are your goals still clear?
I will make it a good day today!
Are my thoughts calm? If not take a break and just breath
Focus on what is important
Eliminate what is not important
Despite the fact you are a rockstar, it doesn’t mean you can do everything yourself
You can’t change what is not in your circle of influence
Are you following your passion today?
It is okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from it
Are your boundaries still clear, if not you need to sharpening them
Did I learn something new today?
Did I reward my good behavior today?
You are not a victim, you are a fighter – winner never quit and quitters never win
Right here, right now

So in order to keep going with your new behaviour and support your behavioural change, I would advise you to implement this simple discipline tool with the reminder card. It supported me a lot so I think it is worthwhile trying for you as well.

14 January 2021 2 comments

Mindset Transformation

How a C-level executive overcame a burn-out and anxiety

by Rockstar 12 January 2021

My first reaction to the psychologist that analyzed me and told me “you have a burn-out” was….sorry but I don’t have time for a burn-out, I have too much to do.

Welcome and thank you for taking the time reading my blog Burnoutofthebox.com

My name is Marcel (1976) and I’m suffering from anxiety since I was a little kid, this had a very big impact in my life, especially in my youth, but it also made me the strong person I’m today. This site is not about what a horrible life I had, because that is not true, I love my life. This blog is about how we can utilize positive thinking and getting a more satisfied life.

In the spring of 2016 I thought I had everything under control. I’m a control freak and following for years the GTD methodology from David Allen and that keeps me in control. But on a sunny Friday morning I was at work sitting behind my laptop and suddenly started to cry and couldn’t stop…..that day I went home and it changed my life for good.

Summary of the situation before that Spring Friday morning in 2016:

Earlier that year I got promoted to COO for the company I’m working for. A listed Internet company with 350 FTE’s. Responsible for all markets in Europe.
Traveling each week to one of our offices in Europe and sometimes twice a week. Making around 50 flights a year
26 people are reporting to me and started to have the feeling I can’t give them all the support I want – I just don’t have enough hours in a day.
I worked 24/7 and forgot to take breaks
Together with my wife I have three lovely kids
During Saturdays I’m the coach of my son’s soccer team
I’m a drumming in a power metal band and we rehears every week, flexible timing during my busy travel scheme

Weeks before the burn-out analysis I got very clear “signals” but I just ignored them because I was too busy with work and other things, and this is what I learned, the worst thing you can do, ignoring the clear signals that you need to take breaks.

Clear signals I got

Sleepless nights
Bad concentration
Dizziness
Headaches (everyday)
Nervous
Emotional, while watching movies, even Disney movies I watched together with the kids
Muscle pain in my back
Shaking hands
Panic attacks
Each morning I woke up I had the feeling to retch

I clearly needed a break and needed someone to take that decision for me, someone who pulled the so called “Handbrake”. After that sunny Friday morning at work, my HR director took that decision for me, which I’m very grateful of. What I told her when she sent me home, is “I make one promise, I will come back much stronger”.

After the diagnose burn-out I started to blame others and that is not good. You shouldn’t blame others then yourself if you come in such a situation. That was one of the best learning’s and was the basis for my strong come back. I accepted the situation and told myself, Marcel you are not the only one with a burn-out so don’t be ashamed. You will come back much stronger, but only if you change your behavior, don’t expect that others will change for you. It is only your behavior change that you can control.

“If you do the same thing all over you get the same results”

What I did to get back stronger?

I accepted the situation and accepted it is ok to request others for help
I told myself that I should not feel sorry for myself and stay in bed the whole day and cry and blame others
I promised myself that is should take max 1 month to get back; I took 3 weeks of sick leave. I already tried to come back after one week but that was a bad decision
I did 5 sessions with a psychologist who taught me everything about cognitive behavior
I read a lot of books in these three weeks
I started to read articles about burn-out, anxiety and positive psychology
I walked a lot, not the usual running. 3 times a week I walked between 5 to 10k and in the end I even did a 23k walk from my home to the beach and back
I created a “positive Spotify” playlist I listen to while walking
Each day I did a routine based on the GTD methodology and the 5 min journal. I still do this each day and report back in my Evernote. Each morning I start my day with writing down the most important goals for that day and at least three things I’m grateful of
Each morning I start with a 10 minutes breathing mediation
Started to use “Flip-thinking” and learned to accept things I can’t change
I created mood boards and mood cards to remind me of my goals and learning’s
Started to use daily affirmations

I can tell you that a couple of months later I felt great and I’m very proud of the chosen path I ‘walked’ into.

The purpose of my blog is to explain you more about my journey and my thought about living a positive lifestyle and how to recover from a burn-out

Please join me in the journey and I hope it can change your life in a positive way as well.

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

12 January 2021 0 comment