circle of influence Archives - Burnoutofthebox

Feeling happy should not be an end goal or destination. Feeling happy should be an everyday way of living. Feeling happy is purely based on your own expectation of being happy. What makes me happy should not necessary make you happy.

Personally, I don’t think we should strive for happiness as final destination in our life. I prefer more to strive for satisfaction and feeling happy on your way to reach this. Our biggest problem in our search for happiness is our own expectations of what happiness should look and feels like. It’s not the end goal that should make you happy but the journey to satisfaction that makes you happy. The good thing with this is that satisfaction is based on your own expectations and expectations can be adapted and changes and set by yourself.

As said happiness is very personal so I won’t guarantee that the next 25 ideas can make you feel happy, hence I call them ideas and not ways to be happy.

1. Be grateful

In my daily routines blog, I wrote about how my daily GTD and 5 min journal is keeping me in control of my day. One very important factor in this daily routine is the part where I write down 3 things that I’m grateful of each and everyday. Just be grateful of what you already have in your life like clean drinking water, a house, a bed, cloths to wear etc. Your will realise that you have so much to be grateful of.

2. Take breaks

Throughout the day you need to take enough breaks. If you are familiar with the productivity technique Pomodoro you know how important it is to take regular breaks in order to keep the right focus. It will clear your mind and gives you more energy for the rest of the day. So don’t underestimate the power of 5 min breaks throughout your day. It’s even better to go for a walk outside during your break.

3. Do one new thing each day

To break the daily routine and to challenge yourself, I advise you to do at least one new thing each day. Watch a YouTube video of a new vlogger, eat a different salad or sandwich during your lunch, order a different coffee or tea, go to a new movie, listen to music your normally don’t listen to. Brush you your teeth with your “other” hand, so if you are left handed do it now with your right hand. Just a small change in your life can make you feel good.

4. Trust yourself

You are good as you are, trust your intuition and don’t overanalyse. Just do it when you think you should do it. You will see that without all the overanalyses and trusting your gut feeling, life will be more fun!

5. Exercise

Go out for a walk, a bike ride, a run, to the gym or walk your dog, play a game of soccer with your friends or kids, you name it. Do it and do it often because exercise is good for your mind and the health of your body.

6. Unclutter

Clean up your house, your garage or your clothing closet. Sell your old stuff that you don’t want or need anymore on eBay or give it away to people who can use it. An uncluttered home will give you a good feeling and giving it away for free will even give you a better feeling. See next idea.

7. Give away something

When you give away stuff for free or even give some support or helping somebody moving houses for example will release the feel-good hormone in your brain called oxytocin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin). So give a tip after a nice dinner, give your stuff you don’t need or want anymore to a homeless shelter or a thrift shop. You will feel good and you are helping other people to feel good as well!

8. Give positive feedback and praise

“Feedback is the breakfast for champions” – Kenneth Blanchard. When you notice that a family member, a co-worker or just somebody on the street is doing something you like, give positive feedback and praise this person for his or her good behaviour. It will make their day and will motivate them to do more of this. It will also make your day because while giving positive feedback and praise both of you will get a good shot of Oxytocin in your brain.

9. Meditate

Meditate every day, at least 5 min a day. In our busy lives we always have 5 min to set aside for a mediation session. The best time is in the morning when you just woke up or after your breakfast. It will give you the peace and calm you need during the rest of your day.

10. Stop comparing yourself

One of the biggest pitfalls for a positive lifestyle is to compare yourself with others. You can’t feel how other people are feeling. They might look happy with that new house and brand new car and their whole life they post on Facebook and Instagram but you don’t know their story. This is your life so focus on yourself and yourself only.

11. Always have a friendly mindset

Your mindset should always be friendly. Some people you meet might fight a battle you don’t know of. By being friendly you will see that the reaction of others will be different and, in most cases, they will adapt your kindness and change their behaviour and mindset as well in a more friendly way. Kindness should be the norm.

12. Choose your battles

Of course you need to fight for your rights but my advice is to be selective in your fights. In a lot of cases you will realise that you are fighting too many battles and that will make your exhausted and is a waste of time and energy. It is better to choose your battles and stop fighting for small, unimportant things that are not worth the fight.

13. Lear to say no

Saying yes to often mean that you can’t prioritise. Saying NO means saying Yes to something or someone else more prioritized. Saying No won’t make your popular right now but it will certainly will help you enjoy tomorrow.

14. Just Enjoy

Look around you and learn to enjoy the smallest things in life. The smell of fresh coffee, fresh baked bread, a smile on a kids face, the spring, the silence etc. Take the time and enjoy it with your full attention.

15. Grab somebodies hand

Start your day by grabbing somebodies hand, from your wife, daughter, your son or even better a total stranger. While grabbing their hand tell this person “All things will be fine” and give a big hug. The smile on this persons face is priceless and it will give you both a perfect kick-start of the day.

16. Stop complaining for a day

We all complain and that’s fine unless you do it all day long and talk about all your complains to others each and everyday. Try having a day without any complains, because the truth is that complaining won’t solve anything. Try it for a day and if you like it try to do it at least one day a week – call it “no complain day”. Each time you complain during that day you need to put some money in a jar. Each month with the money in the jar you buy something for somebody else.

17. Focus on your strengths

Each evening when you go to bed, write down all the things that went well that day. Behaviour that you are proud of, deploying a new habit, stopped unwanted behaviour, the conversation you had with a stranger, the support you gave to a co-worker etc. Write it down and at the end of each week read them all again in one go. Celebrate all the good things you do in your life! You are good and you do good things!

18. 15 min worrying

Overthinking and worrying can turn into anxiety. There is a very simple method and easy to try. Take a notebook or a piece of paper, and plan in 15 min a day. Every time when you start worrying or overthinking situations tell yourself to wait until your scheduled 15 minutes. When it is time for your 15 min worrying moment, write down all your thoughts and after 15 min close your notebook and stop overthinking. Remember yourself each time you have these 15 min to write down all your worries. It won’t be easy in the first couple of days but keep trying and you will realise it is magical for your mind!

19. Don’t be so serious

Life is great and a lot of fun. Please don’t take everything so serious, release your inner child. Feel, think and act like a child once in a while. Dance, sing and make a lot of fun in your life. Smiling is the best route to a positive lifestyle.

20. You are great

It will make you feel great when you realise that you are amazing just the way you are today. Don’t change yourself for other people, be yourself because you are great! You are born to be alive so live YOUR life and not somebody else’s life.

21. Take your time

Some say you need to live your life like everyday is your last day. That’s bull shit, because like this you are afraid of dying each day and you are so stressed each day that you need to do all the things you want in one day. Good things will take time hence I advise to take the time you need. That doesn’t mean that you need to overthink all your ideas, make a decision, plan it and execute. We only have 24h in a day and you need to calm down, have breaks and don’t have too much time pressure. As said don’t wait too long with your ideas; decide, plan and do it! But don’t forget to take breaks and that things take time to grow!

22. Focus on what you can influence

We worry too much about things we can’t influence, like the weather, the bad news on television, views from others etc. As written in my blog about the circle of influence. The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

23. Be romantic

It sound a bit controversial but have sex, sex is great. With yourself or even better with somebody you love. Take the time for this, start with a nice dinner, candle light, right music, massage and just let yourself go into the moment and release the happiness hormone in your brain. And don’t forget that sex is very good for your health as well.

24. Show love

Love should be everywhere and is the basic for life, share it with abundance with your family and friends. Tell them, let them feel it, hug them, just do something for them that show your love for them. Giving love feels better than getting it. When you give a lot you will get a lot. Be generous with giving your love and let the ones close to you, your husband, wife, kids, parents, grandparents know on a regular basis, daily!

25. Rocknroll!

The use of mantra’s is very powerful and will keep you focus on a positive mindset. My mantra is Let’s fucking rock n roll (LFRNR). It makes me feel happy each day. When I wake up and step out of bed I say LFRNRN. When I need strengths or confident like an important meeting or when I feel insecure I say it out load. I strongly advise you to define your own mantra that works best for you and that is the closed to you as a person.

I hope that some of these 25 ideas will inspire you to bring more happiness and positivity in your live.

Photo by Fernando Brasil on Unsplash

During my burn-out I read a lot about what kind of people are more in the likelihood of becoming burn-out. I realize that all kinds of people are subjected to be able to get a burn-out, but I could read between the lines that the so called ‘control freaks’ (like me) are showing a higher risk for having burn-outs. This is because there comes a time where control freaks ‘loose’ control and influence of the situation and that potentially can contribute to a burn-out.

As mentioned in my first blog I wanted to come back stronger after my burn-out by building a plan. Unconsciously I used the circle of influence a lot in my planning and the actual execution of my plan. Later on I used it in my daily habits when facing negativity, fear and uncertainties. While doing a little bit of more research for this blog post I realised that I leaned about the circle of influence 10 years ago when I read the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey. Nobody told me during my burn-out that I need to look into my circle of influence, but unconsciously my mind remembered that I read about it a couple of years ago and that I can use it for a more positive lifestyle and accept certain situations.

The circle of influence is for me one of the best solutions I found for recovering from my burn-out and I still use it in my day-to-day life. It gives me a lot of support to handle difficult situations and decision. Based on this I started to think more positively. Covey beliefs that proactive people focus inside their circle of influence, I strongly believe that people with a positive mind-set and lifestyle do as well.

The great reward you will get when you focus more inside your circle of influence is that you will get a feeling that you can control your life and destiny since you don’t worry about the things you can’t control.

Negative people have a tendency to focus too much on things they can’t control. Most of the time they think they are the victim of circumstances and dwell further in these negative thoughts.

What is actually the circle of influence?

It’s a very simple concept, you draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle you write down all the thing you can control and influence. Outside the circle you write down all the things you can’t control and influence.

circle of control

The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

Negative people focus too much on matters outside their circle and will realise that the circle is shrinking and they ‘see’ less and less matters they can’t control.

In the psychology this kind of feeling of having control of the outcome of events in your life is called locus of control (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control).

For me this all starts with accepting that you as a person are responsible for your own life, not your spouse, friends, boss, colleagues etc. It is you and nobody else than you who is responsible. The way you feel, behave, react etc. is your own decision to do so.

Quoting Covey: “Between stimuli and response, everybody has the freedom to choose”

During my burn-out I blamed others, and the different circumstances, but that was wrong and it will never support you in your recovery. My psychiatrist convinced me already in my second session that I’m responsible for my life and that I’m not allowed to blame others, that’s too easy and you will walk away from your responsibility and give your life in the hand of others. You, me, your colleagues, everybody needs to accept that this is your life hence your responsibility to make it great, be positive and happy.

Negative people believe that their life is a product of their physical and social environment. The have a strong external locus of control and focus outside their circle of influence. They believe that their quality of life is determined by luck, fate and that others are responsible for who and what they are.

Positive people believe that they are responsible for how they respond to outside stimuli. They have a strong internal locus of control and focus inside their circle of influence. They believe that the quality of their life is determined by their own action and chooses. They don’t blame others or circumstances for their life they live.

The biggest difference is that positive people taking responsibility and they focus on matters that they can control and influence hence live inside their circle of influence.

Every time you move more attention from inside to outside your circle of influence you allow the outside to control your life.

While planning my comeback I first needed to accept that “me, myself and I” is responsible for my own life, feeling and behaviour. I’m my own boss and I should stop dwelling on things I can’t control. This is also how I overcome my fear and anxiety.

What I would like to ask you to do is simply; draw a circle on a blank piece of paper and start to write down all the things you can control and influence inside your circle. You will notice that you have drawn a too small circle because you can control and influence more than your think. When you are ready you can start adding things you can’t control outside the circle. Now comes the trick……STOP focusing on the things outside the circle and focus all your time and energy on the things inside the circle of influence and you will see that you will start feeling more in control and start to have more positive feelings.

Every time you are worried and have negative thoughts, feeling stressed or anxious, just look at this circle or draw a new one and see if these things are in your circle of influence. If yes, work on it if not stop focusing on it!

So stop complaining about others and things you can’t control, focus all your time, effort and energy on the things you can influence, control or change and you will see something magic will happen with you and how you feel. More in control, less stress, positive and you can get things done while noticing that your circle of influence is growing.

Photo by Finn Hackshaw on Unsplash

circle of influence

25 ideas to be happy

Circle of Influence