Tag:

motivation

The power of our thoughts

by Rockstar 23 January 2021

There is a famous quote by Buddha – “The mind is everything and what we think we become” some skepticals don’t believe this is a quote from Buddha, and you know what, it doesn’t matter from who the quote is. It is just a very strong and powerful quote.

As already mentioned in a couple of other blogs, cognitive behaviour therapy helped me the most to overcome my burn-out. The mind is great but also one of the most dangerous and self-destruction piece of our human body. The first thing I learned during the cognitive behaviour sessions is that we really feel what we think, we think in visuals and words and that is connecting our behaviour and our feelings. When you are afraid of a spider, you ‘see’ the big hairy spider in your mind and your mind is even saying the words, “big hairy spider” and only by seeing the image and “saying” the words you are feeling anxious even when such a spider is not even nearby. This example shows how your thoughts, feelings and behaviour are so well connected.

Why is it that two persons in the same (for example stressful) situation can react and behave completely different? The short answer is that one person is thinking irrational and the other one has the ability to think rational. One cognitive behavioural therapy is called RET – Rational Effective Training. During my burn-out I mainly focused on the RET therapy.

One big conclusion about irrational thoughts is that these kinds of thoughts don’t help you to reach your goal. For example if I tell myself that during my working day I’m not allowed to make mistakes, I will not function better because I only think about, “o my god I’m not allowed to make mistakes”. This thought make me even function worse in most cases.

A couple of well known irrational thoughts:

Unhealthy perfectionism; like the example above, when you tell yourself that you are not allowed to make a mistake. Perfectionism can be good, but the danger lies in the exaggeration of the perfectionism.
Disaster thinking; By every potential thing that can go wrong you think it is the end of the world, like if your boss says something harsh to you, you immediately think that you will get fired.
Low frustration tolerance; when you don’t like a task and already think that you can’t do it. The idea is that you think life must be much easier. Things in life are not always easy but you can do it – most people give up to easily.
Addiction to love and respect; some of us don’t realise but they want that the whole world loves them and they want to be seen as a nice person. Trust me you can’t be everybody’s friend.
Demands on the world; this is related to the irrational demand we have of other people around us and in the world. You want that others behave like you want them to do. For example, “Wars are not allowed to exist”. These irrational thoughts are linked to the circle of influence

ABC tool of cognitive behaviour therapy

Activating event; what happened

Believe; our ideas and thoughts

Consequence; feelings, emotions and behaviour

A -> B -> C

We all make the mistake that we think and blame the activity for our feelings (emotions) and behaviour but in reality it is our ideas and thoughts (Believes) that causes your feelings (emotions).

The five main stress emotions / feelings are:

Fear
Anger
Depressions
Guilt
Sadness

How can we train ourselves in rational thinking and stop all unnecessary irrational thinking that causes us so much pain, stress and negative feelings and have more positive and happy emotions?

This is possible in a 3-step process with a purpose to change your thoughts.

Analyse; which thoughts are making you unhappy
Change; replace your irrational thoughts with rational thoughts
Integrate new thoughts; through training you can learn to focus on rational thoughts hence you can change your behaviour

Since this is serious shit I urge you to take the time and don’t speed up in these steps, especially step 2 and 3 can take weeks or even month. Hang in there it will work in the end, just make sure you take all the time and discipline for you to get familiar with this change in thinking.

First thing is to analyse your thoughts by asking yourself three questions:

Are my thoughts based on facts? Is it really true what I think and can I prove that this is true?
Are these thoughts helpful in reaching my goal? Set your goal and ask yourself the question
Philosophical questions like, are these thoughts logical and in line in how I want to live my life

For every irrational thought you should ask yourself these three questions. Please find one example below based on “Unhealthy perfectionism”:

Thought: I’m not allowed to make a mistake, because when I do so, I’m a dumbass

First questions based on facts:

Who says that I’m not allowed to make a mistake?
Can I do this task without a mistake?
What is actually a mistake?

Second questions based on my goal:

Does my thoughts really help to reach my goal?
Can I be better with these thoughts in my mind?

Third questions based on Philosophical questions:

Am I suddenly less valuable when I make a mistake?
What makes me a dumbass when making a mistake?
Is there anybody in the world that can do this without (small) mistakes?

The analysing part is crucial because you need to see that your thoughts are irrational and once you realise that, you can go to step two and replacing the thought with the thoughts and behaviour you want in such a situation.

One trick I learned to understand and question my irrational thought is to “challenge” them. Write down all the pro’s and Con’s of these thoughts and you will see that they are not rational.

I used a very simple thought scheme, first in MS word, later in Evernote and since I’m trained (step 3) I can actually do it on the fly in my head. When you at that stage you have made an amazing progress in stopping irrational thinking.

Thought scheme in an 8-step process

Activating event (A)
Feeling / Emotions (C)
Behaviour (C)
Thoughts that led to the feeling and behaviour (B)
Challenge your thoughts with Pro’s and Con’s – are your thoughts realistic?
What is a more realistic (rational) thought? (New B)
Feeling after formulating new realistic thoughts (New C)
Action plan on the wanted behaviour

See example below:

As said, it will take a lot of practice but ones you know how to replace your irrational thought by rational thoughts it will give you all the freedom and happiness to live the life you want and deserve, because don’t forget……You decide what you should think!

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

23 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Lifehack Mindset Transformation

25 ideas to be happy

by Rockstar 19 January 2021

Feeling happy should not be an end goal or destination. Feeling happy should be an everyday way of living. Feeling happy is purely based on your own expectation of being happy. What makes me happy should not necessary make you happy.

Personally, I don’t think we should strive for happiness as final destination in our life. I prefer more to strive for satisfaction and feeling happy on your way to reach this. Our biggest problem in our search for happiness is our own expectations of what happiness should look and feels like. It’s not the end goal that should make you happy but the journey to satisfaction that makes you happy. The good thing with this is that satisfaction is based on your own expectations and expectations can be adapted and changes and set by yourself.

As said happiness is very personal so I won’t guarantee that the next 25 ideas can make you feel happy, hence I call them ideas and not ways to be happy.

1. Be grateful

In my daily routines blog, I wrote about how my daily GTD and 5 min journal is keeping me in control of my day. One very important factor in this daily routine is the part where I write down 3 things that I’m grateful of each and everyday. Just be grateful of what you already have in your life like clean drinking water, a house, a bed, cloths to wear etc. Your will realise that you have so much to be grateful of.

2. Take breaks

Throughout the day you need to take enough breaks. If you are familiar with the productivity technique Pomodoro you know how important it is to take regular breaks in order to keep the right focus. It will clear your mind and gives you more energy for the rest of the day. So don’t underestimate the power of 5 min breaks throughout your day. It’s even better to go for a walk outside during your break.

3. Do one new thing each day

To break the daily routine and to challenge yourself, I advise you to do at least one new thing each day. Watch a YouTube video of a new vlogger, eat a different salad or sandwich during your lunch, order a different coffee or tea, go to a new movie, listen to music your normally don’t listen to. Brush you your teeth with your “other” hand, so if you are left handed do it now with your right hand. Just a small change in your life can make you feel good.

4. Trust yourself

You are good as you are, trust your intuition and don’t overanalyse. Just do it when you think you should do it. You will see that without all the overanalyses and trusting your gut feeling, life will be more fun!

5. Exercise

Go out for a walk, a bike ride, a run, to the gym or walk your dog, play a game of soccer with your friends or kids, you name it. Do it and do it often because exercise is good for your mind and the health of your body.

6. Unclutter

Clean up your house, your garage or your clothing closet. Sell your old stuff that you don’t want or need anymore on eBay or give it away to people who can use it. An uncluttered home will give you a good feeling and giving it away for free will even give you a better feeling. See next idea.

7. Give away something

When you give away stuff for free or even give some support or helping somebody moving houses for example will release the feel-good hormone in your brain called oxytocin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin). So give a tip after a nice dinner, give your stuff you don’t need or want anymore to a homeless shelter or a thrift shop. You will feel good and you are helping other people to feel good as well!

8. Give positive feedback and praise

“Feedback is the breakfast for champions” – Kenneth Blanchard. When you notice that a family member, a co-worker or just somebody on the street is doing something you like, give positive feedback and praise this person for his or her good behaviour. It will make their day and will motivate them to do more of this. It will also make your day because while giving positive feedback and praise both of you will get a good shot of Oxytocin in your brain.

9. Meditate

Meditate every day, at least 5 min a day. In our busy lives we always have 5 min to set aside for a mediation session. The best time is in the morning when you just woke up or after your breakfast. It will give you the peace and calm you need during the rest of your day.

10. Stop comparing yourself

One of the biggest pitfalls for a positive lifestyle is to compare yourself with others. You can’t feel how other people are feeling. They might look happy with that new house and brand new car and their whole life they post on Facebook and Instagram but you don’t know their story. This is your life so focus on yourself and yourself only.

11. Always have a friendly mindset

Your mindset should always be friendly. Some people you meet might fight a battle you don’t know of. By being friendly you will see that the reaction of others will be different and, in most cases, they will adapt your kindness and change their behaviour and mindset as well in a more friendly way. Kindness should be the norm.

12. Choose your battles

Of course you need to fight for your rights but my advice is to be selective in your fights. In a lot of cases you will realise that you are fighting too many battles and that will make your exhausted and is a waste of time and energy. It is better to choose your battles and stop fighting for small, unimportant things that are not worth the fight.

13. Lear to say no

Saying yes to often mean that you can’t prioritise. Saying NO means saying Yes to something or someone else more prioritized. Saying No won’t make your popular right now but it will certainly will help you enjoy tomorrow.

14. Just Enjoy

Look around you and learn to enjoy the smallest things in life. The smell of fresh coffee, fresh baked bread, a smile on a kids face, the spring, the silence etc. Take the time and enjoy it with your full attention.

15. Grab somebodies hand

Start your day by grabbing somebodies hand, from your wife, daughter, your son or even better a total stranger. While grabbing their hand tell this person “All things will be fine” and give a big hug. The smile on this persons face is priceless and it will give you both a perfect kick-start of the day.

16. Stop complaining for a day

We all complain and that’s fine unless you do it all day long and talk about all your complains to others each and everyday. Try having a day without any complains, because the truth is that complaining won’t solve anything. Try it for a day and if you like it try to do it at least one day a week – call it “no complain day”. Each time you complain during that day you need to put some money in a jar. Each month with the money in the jar you buy something for somebody else.

17. Focus on your strengths

Each evening when you go to bed, write down all the things that went well that day. Behaviour that you are proud of, deploying a new habit, stopped unwanted behaviour, the conversation you had with a stranger, the support you gave to a co-worker etc. Write it down and at the end of each week read them all again in one go. Celebrate all the good things you do in your life! You are good and you do good things!

18. 15 min worrying

Overthinking and worrying can turn into anxiety. There is a very simple method and easy to try. Take a notebook or a piece of paper, and plan in 15 min a day. Every time when you start worrying or overthinking situations tell yourself to wait until your scheduled 15 minutes. When it is time for your 15 min worrying moment, write down all your thoughts and after 15 min close your notebook and stop overthinking. Remember yourself each time you have these 15 min to write down all your worries. It won’t be easy in the first couple of days but keep trying and you will realise it is magical for your mind!

19. Don’t be so serious

Life is great and a lot of fun. Please don’t take everything so serious, release your inner child. Feel, think and act like a child once in a while. Dance, sing and make a lot of fun in your life. Smiling is the best route to a positive lifestyle.

20. You are great

It will make you feel great when you realise that you are amazing just the way you are today. Don’t change yourself for other people, be yourself because you are great! You are born to be alive so live YOUR life and not somebody else’s life.

21. Take your time

Some say you need to live your life like everyday is your last day. That’s bull shit, because like this you are afraid of dying each day and you are so stressed each day that you need to do all the things you want in one day. Good things will take time hence I advise to take the time you need. That doesn’t mean that you need to overthink all your ideas, make a decision, plan it and execute. We only have 24h in a day and you need to calm down, have breaks and don’t have too much time pressure. As said don’t wait too long with your ideas; decide, plan and do it! But don’t forget to take breaks and that things take time to grow!

22. Focus on what you can influence

We worry too much about things we can’t influence, like the weather, the bad news on television, views from others etc. As written in my blog about the circle of influence. The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

23. Be romantic

It sound a bit controversial but have sex, sex is great. With yourself or even better with somebody you love. Take the time for this, start with a nice dinner, candle light, right music, massage and just let yourself go into the moment and release the happiness hormone in your brain. And don’t forget that sex is very good for your health as well.

24. Show love

Love should be everywhere and is the basic for life, share it with abundance with your family and friends. Tell them, let them feel it, hug them, just do something for them that show your love for them. Giving love feels better than getting it. When you give a lot you will get a lot. Be generous with giving your love and let the ones close to you, your husband, wife, kids, parents, grandparents know on a regular basis, daily!

25. Rocknroll!

The use of mantra’s is very powerful and will keep you focus on a positive mindset. My mantra is Let’s fucking rock n roll (LFRNR). It makes me feel happy each day. When I wake up and step out of bed I say LFRNRN. When I need strengths or confident like an important meeting or when I feel insecure I say it out load. I strongly advise you to define your own mantra that works best for you and that is the closed to you as a person.

I hope that some of these 25 ideas will inspire you to bring more happiness and positivity in your live.

Photo by Fernando Brasil on Unsplash

19 January 2021 0 comment

Lifehack Mindset Positive

Plan potential crisis situations

by Rockstar 18 January 2021

A common situation for persons who suffer from a burn-out is the fact that they are afraid for having a downturn when there are setbacks on their way back to a positive lifestyle. They have a fear falling back into the crisis situations they had before and during their burn-out. I felt exactly the same.

While I strongly believe in having a positive mindset and focusing on the inner side of our circle of influence, I think it is vital to prepare yourself for potential crisis situations that will occur on your way back recovering from a burn-out.

See it more as a back-up tool, a defence line to support you in becoming a much stronger person. It’s a very good tool to overcome all the hurdles you will find on your way. Trust me crisis situations will occur, you will make mistakes, feel anxious and maybe feel depressed because some crisis situations might throw you back at your ‘old state’ before your burn-out. But you are a strong and committed person and will also survive these setbacks. You can do this, but might need some help. That’s ok.

Planning crisis situations really helped me in my burn-out recovery. My mind set, feelings, positive thoughts and how I live my everyday life, it’s hundred times better than when I was burned out. Planning potential crisis situations definitely helped in a positive way of what I have achieved.

How to plan potential crisis situations?

The first thing you should do is writing down all the crisis situations you had prior to your burn-out. All the things you feel stressed or anxious about and played a big role in actually getting your burn-out. When you have written down these situations, the next step is to write down how you reacted to these situations and what your feeling was.

Next to that you need to write down how you ‘wanted’ to react and feel. Then you write down what you need to do in order to react and feel like you want to do. When you have done this a couple of times you start to create a list of potential crisis situations and how to react to these.

See an example below

Situation	Old reaction / feeling	Wanted reaction / feeling	How to get this feeling?
I got a lot of requests from colleagues and my manager at work	I said yes to all requests hence I don’t have time to focus. I didn’t finish my work in time and quality. This made me feeling bad and insecure	I want to say more no, because saying yes to all requests is saying no to what is important. I want to focus and deliver in time with quality	Saying no to ALL requests that are not inline with my objectives. Be very clear to the requester what my objective is to set clear expectations. Be hones that this request is not my priority.

Planning crisis situations can also be used in keeping new habits or stopping old habits like smoking, gambling etc. When you start using this tool during your crisis situations, you will realise how strong you will become and how proud you feel when you overcame crisis situation. It can really support you in our journey for a positive lifestyle, because you feel more confident that you can handle the situation.

In order to really make this work I reckon you add another layer to this and start rewarding yourself every time you managed a crisis situation like you have planned it. Think about small rewards like, taking a warm bath, watching and extra episode on Netflix, listen to your favourite music on Spotify, read a book or just lay in the sun and relax and enjoy that you have done an amazing job. Don’t reward yourself with big things like buying the guitar your always wanted or those shoes, especially when you are a shopping addict. Keep it small so that you can do it every time you succeed.

Planning potential crisis situations looks like cognitive behaviour therapy but it is different, I will write a different post dedicated to cognitive behaviour therapy at a later stage.

As said, you will make mistakes during your great burn-out recovery journey. That is perfectly fine and even mandatory because it is a part of the overall process. Using the planned crisis situations take some time but you will be able to do it. The trick is to be aware that setbacks will happen and that you are well prepared to fight against these crisis situations. It will make you a stronger and positive person.

Photo by Daniel Cheung on Unsplash

18 January 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset

Circle of Influence

by Rockstar 17 January 2021

During my burn-out I read a lot about what kind of people are more in the likelihood of becoming burn-out. I realize that all kinds of people are subjected to be able to get a burn-out, but I could read between the lines that the so called ‘control freaks’ (like me) are showing a higher risk for having burn-outs. This is because there comes a time where control freaks ‘loose’ control and influence of the situation and that potentially can contribute to a burn-out.

As mentioned in my first blog I wanted to come back stronger after my burn-out by building a plan. Unconsciously I used the circle of influence a lot in my planning and the actual execution of my plan. Later on I used it in my daily habits when facing negativity, fear and uncertainties. While doing a little bit of more research for this blog post I realised that I leaned about the circle of influence 10 years ago when I read the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey. Nobody told me during my burn-out that I need to look into my circle of influence, but unconsciously my mind remembered that I read about it a couple of years ago and that I can use it for a more positive lifestyle and accept certain situations.

The circle of influence is for me one of the best solutions I found for recovering from my burn-out and I still use it in my day-to-day life. It gives me a lot of support to handle difficult situations and decision. Based on this I started to think more positively. Covey beliefs that proactive people focus inside their circle of influence, I strongly believe that people with a positive mind-set and lifestyle do as well.

The great reward you will get when you focus more inside your circle of influence is that you will get a feeling that you can control your life and destiny since you don’t worry about the things you can’t control.

Negative people have a tendency to focus too much on things they can’t control. Most of the time they think they are the victim of circumstances and dwell further in these negative thoughts.

What is actually the circle of influence?

It’s a very simple concept, you draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle you write down all the thing you can control and influence. Outside the circle you write down all the things you can’t control and influence.

circle of control

The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

Negative people focus too much on matters outside their circle and will realise that the circle is shrinking and they ‘see’ less and less matters they can’t control.

In the psychology this kind of feeling of having control of the outcome of events in your life is called locus of control (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control).

For me this all starts with accepting that you as a person are responsible for your own life, not your spouse, friends, boss, colleagues etc. It is you and nobody else than you who is responsible. The way you feel, behave, react etc. is your own decision to do so.

Quoting Covey: “Between stimuli and response, everybody has the freedom to choose”

During my burn-out I blamed others, and the different circumstances, but that was wrong and it will never support you in your recovery. My psychiatrist convinced me already in my second session that I’m responsible for my life and that I’m not allowed to blame others, that’s too easy and you will walk away from your responsibility and give your life in the hand of others. You, me, your colleagues, everybody needs to accept that this is your life hence your responsibility to make it great, be positive and happy.

Negative people believe that their life is a product of their physical and social environment. The have a strong external locus of control and focus outside their circle of influence. They believe that their quality of life is determined by luck, fate and that others are responsible for who and what they are.

Positive people believe that they are responsible for how they respond to outside stimuli. They have a strong internal locus of control and focus inside their circle of influence. They believe that the quality of their life is determined by their own action and chooses. They don’t blame others or circumstances for their life they live.

The biggest difference is that positive people taking responsibility and they focus on matters that they can control and influence hence live inside their circle of influence.

Every time you move more attention from inside to outside your circle of influence you allow the outside to control your life.

While planning my comeback I first needed to accept that “me, myself and I” is responsible for my own life, feeling and behaviour. I’m my own boss and I should stop dwelling on things I can’t control. This is also how I overcome my fear and anxiety.

What I would like to ask you to do is simply; draw a circle on a blank piece of paper and start to write down all the things you can control and influence inside your circle. You will notice that you have drawn a too small circle because you can control and influence more than your think. When you are ready you can start adding things you can’t control outside the circle. Now comes the trick……STOP focusing on the things outside the circle and focus all your time and energy on the things inside the circle of influence and you will see that you will start feeling more in control and start to have more positive feelings.

Every time you are worried and have negative thoughts, feeling stressed or anxious, just look at this circle or draw a new one and see if these things are in your circle of influence. If yes, work on it if not stop focusing on it!

So stop complaining about others and things you can’t control, focus all your time, effort and energy on the things you can influence, control or change and you will see something magic will happen with you and how you feel. More in control, less stress, positive and you can get things done while noticing that your circle of influence is growing.

Photo by Finn Hackshaw on Unsplash

17 January 2021 2 comments

Books Inspiration Mindset

Don’t let fear keep you from living your life

by Rockstar 16 January 2021

As already said by Ghandi “Fear is our biggest enemy not hate”. For me fear, anxiety and negative thoughts are connected and are a big bottleneck in order to live a positive life you want and what you deserve.

For me anxiety started very early in my life. On a very young age I started to think about life and asked myself questions like, what are we doing here on earth, is this life real or a fantasy. Why are we born and why do we need to die and what is death? Since I thought a lot about this, especially when I was in bed at night, my fear of death and the unknown started. When I was around ten years old it really kept me awake at night and I started to get small panic attacks. At an age of eleven I started to see a psychologist on a weekly basis for around two years. This was more for me to start talking about it since I was afraid to speak about my fears. They treated me well but I’m not 100% convinced that they really helped me because it went worse when I was around sixteen years old and got my first real panic attack nearby my house and started to scream a lot – I was in such a deep thought about life and dead when I was cycling home from school and saw “eternal death” in front of me and that scared the hell out of me.

At the age of sixteen I finished high school, had long curly hair and was different than the other kids. I failed to get good results and realised that I was not good enough for this school. Since I was a good drummer (at least that is what I thought) I did audition to go to the conservatorium to become a famous rock drummer. During the audition I was so nervous that I blow away my change to get accepted to the conservatorium. During my youth I failed a lot at school and ‘failure’ really started to feed my anxiety and I had the feeling that nobody could help me. 24 years later my burn-out finally opened my eyes and it taught me how to deal with anxiety, how to reduce it and started to live a life I really want.

What would you do when you don’t have fear? Buggy jumping, presenting in front of a big audience, resign from your boring day to day job and start your own business, flying to your old friend who lives at the other side of the world, speak up in a group, call that boy or girl and ask for a night out…..why do we let fear and anxiety rule our lives?

It is a shame because we all have so many great ideas and needs, but fear and anxiety is keeping us from doing what we really want.

The three key elements that really supported me during my burn-out and started my fearless life are:

Acceptance
Self belief
WITWTTCH – What is the worse thing that can happen?

Acceptance

Since you are now getting familiar with acceptance based on my other blog post I will start with acceptance. A positive lifestyle starts with accepting that you can’t influence what is not in your circle of influence. For example, the sun comes up’s each day, all living creatures will eventually die (circle of life). How hard we try we can’t change it. This is how I overcome my fear of death. Don’t get me wrong I still don’t like it and I still don’t want it to happen but I realised it is a waste of time to fight against it. I don’t have the power to influence it, I just needed to accept that there is nothing I can do about it. It took me 24 years to do but since I have managed it, it gives me so much more peace in my everyday life. I’m not a religious man but I think the feeling I have, to come to terms with death must be similar with religious people that believe that all things will be fine after they die, as long as they live according the ‘rules’. The rules I live by is to accept that I can’t influence everything.

Acceptance is not easy because since human mankind we want to have influence on nature and make our own decisions.

Fear of flying, oh man I was so afraid of stepping on a plane, sleepless nights, small panic attacks. I had my first flight when I was 19 years old and since then I just don’t like flying, luckily I only flew ones a year when we went on summer holiday. Since I started to work in 1999, I started to fly more regular and the last 8 years I fly almost each week and sometimes twice a week. I overcome my fear of flying by accepting that flying is one of the safest ways of transportation. I had read a lot about airplanes it and I almost know every single sound you hear in and outside a plane during a flight. Since I overcome the fear of flying, shortly after my burn-out I feel so much more relax on a flight and actually started to enjoy flying. I flew to all major cities in Europe, been to Asia and the US a couple of times.

When you can accept that you can’t change what is not in your circle of influence you will find out that fear and anxiety have no way to be a big part in your life. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

Self belief

The most difficult part of the 3 key elements is “Self belief”. Our mind is wandering all the time and is mainly focusing on the negative experience you have had in your life and about your self-esteem. I started this blog with some example of my youth. If I want, I can write a full book about all the failures in my life, but that is boring because you miss all the great things that I have succeed in my life. During my burn-out I wrote down my biggest ‘failures’ in life and wrote next to it how successful I’m. I was really surprised that it is actually not that bad hence I reckon you should do a similar exercise.

A couple of examples:

I wasn’t good in learning during high school -> graduated at the university of applied science and became the COO of a listed internet company and responsible for all our offices around the world
Was not accepted at the conservatorium -> still having fun in drumming and released an album with my band
Spending 3 years to get kids -> First daughter born after a couple of IVF treatment and son and second daughter born via the “natural way”
During the burst of the internet bubble (2001) I couldn’t find a job for a full year -> wrote more than 100 job applications, went to 30 job interviews and got rejected 29 times. When I was hired I became the COO 13 years later
I stutter a lot and I’m very insecure -> I now give presentations in front of big audiences (+500 people) and play drums in front of 1000 people

These are just a couple of examples and I guess you can also pick a couple for yourself and realize it is not that bad and that you are actually very good!

In my blog about reminder cards, I already mentioned the 2 min power pose by Amy Cuddy. The reason why this really works is that during the power pose you are raising you testosterone level hence a big boost of dopamine is getting active in your brain. This makes you feel more confident. You are tricking your brain and that is ok, it is tricking you also with unnecessary fear and anxiety, please try it, it really works!

After my burnout I read two great books, which I recommend you to read yourself:

The stress test – how pressure can make you stronger and sharper – http://amzn.to/2mfsBVi A good learning from this book about feeling more confident is to activate your left frontal lobe of your brain by squeezing a rubber ball (stress ball) for around 45 seconds in your RIGHT hand. This will activate the positive part of your brain. Repeat it a couple times, it is amazing!
Leaders eat last – http://amzn.to/2lsOj3E in this book Simon will go over the four hormones, Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin and how they can give you more self-confidence.

Life is a rock show and you are the rock star that is on stage and performing a great show. Start believing in yourself, because if you don’t do it nobody will!

WITWTTCH – What is the worse thing that can happen?

This is what I learned during my sessions with the psychologist during my burnout. Our sessions were based on cognitive behaviour therapy. (since 2020 I’m a certified cognitive behaviour therapist myself). In everyday life our mind in wandering about 160 times a day and your inner voice can be very irritating and your thought are making your anxious and feeling bad about situations. But…..are these thoughts the reality and are they true? No not all the time and what I learned was to think about “what is the worse thing that can happen?”. This simple sentence is so powerful to change your anxious mind into a happy mind that is free to live a life you want.

When you have moments when you feel insecure, anxious or having fear, always ask your self the question “what is the worse thing that can happen?

A couple of examples?

I will start to stutter during my presentation and the audience will think I can’t do it -> 1% of the world population stutters, so you are not the only one. Is it really true that when you stutter people think you can’t do it, of course not! Have some self-mockery and make a joke about it
When I need to play drums with my band on stage I might forget a break in a song -> I played these songs hundred times, I know them by heart and If I miss a break I will play something different and call it “improvisation”
During a training session I might get a black out -> The people at the training see you for the first time and if you get a black out you just look up and you will always find something to talk about and trust me that they don’t realize you have had a black out.

It is really our inner critical voice that we should not believe, his/her thoughts are not always true and you know better than your inner critical voice, listen more to your inner heart and don’t forget to rocknroll – Believe in your self !

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

16 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Lifehack Transformation

Daily routines, GTD and 5-minute journal

by Rockstar 15 January 2021

As mentioned in my introduction I’m a big evangelist of the Getting things done (GTD) methodology from David Allen. 11 years ago, I was so busy at work and at home that I felt lost. I have been working with to-do lists and time management but didn’t got a feeling that I was in control. I searched on the Internet and got interested in GTD and bought the book from David Allen. I first read it in English and later also in my own Dutch languish. Since I work in the digital industry, I don’t want to use an offline tool for this so I searched for an online tool and tried out a couple of tools like Springpad, but in the end I really started to love Evernote and since the last 10 years I’m using Evernote every single day.

I will not going to explain how GTD works, I think there are a lot of other great blogs, articles, books and video’s about how GTD can be helpful to have a stress less and controlled life.

During my burn out I realised that for whatever reason I was too busy to update my daily GTD and I stopped working in a structured way. Later I found out that this was the beginning of my burnout – I’m always in control and I felt it slipping out of my hands. During my “recovery time” at home I started to read again about GTD and decided to make it my daily routine again. I wrote down a new daily routine, a morning, afternoon and evening routine. I promised myself that I would try this for at least 60 days to see how this works. During the same time, I also started to visit a psychologist and she told me that she was impressed about the discipline I had when I told her about this new routine. Her comment gave me more motivation to continue with these routines.

I also started to read about the 5 min journal and how this can give a positive start and end of your day. I decided to create my own version in Evernote and add into my daily routine.

Morning routine

First thing when I wake up is to be thankful and say my mantra or some affirmations
Then I go to the bathroom to drink a glass of water
During showering I count my blessings and be thankful of what I have
During breakfast I write down:
- At least 1 daily fun activity I want to do today
- One activity that inspire me
- 3 things I’m grateful of
- Daily affirmation
- Write down the three (3) most important goals to make my day great
- Define my daily GTD – actions for today
After breakfast I do a 10min mediation
I start the day with “eat the live frog first” so first do the hardest thing on my GTD action list

Afternoon routine

Go out during lunch and walk for at least 20 min and don’t eat behind my laptop
At least 15 – 30 min concentrated readings
Take regular breaks during the day

Evening routines

Reflection of the day
- Write down three amazing things that happened today
- Write down at least one thing how I could have made my day better
Prepare the next day, and already add actions in one of my GTD notebooks in Evernote
Glass of water before going to bed
Read in a book for at least 30 minutes
Visualisation – visualise a positive life and what I want to achieve for at least 7 min

Weekly routines

Do regular drum rudiments – as drummer you need to keep your technique on a good level. I rehears at least once a week with my band
Running – started to run at least 5 km during the weekend and I’m now on 15 km each weekend

In the first couple of weeks, I only did this during working days (Mon-Fri) but moved is slowly to each day of the week, so also Saturdays and Sundays. In order to keep track and keep the discipline I have created a “Daily GTD & 5 min journal” notebook in Evernote and update this everyday. At the end of the day I copy and past this into my Google calendar so I have all the history available when I want to look it up. For me this is like dopamine and it really supports me in a positive, controlled and satisfied lifestyle.

An example of the “Daily GTD & 5 min journal” template looks like this:

Daily fun activity: Watch last episodes of Stranger Things on Netflix

(There are thousand of things that you can do that are fun. Since we are all very busy, always pick at least 1 daily fun activity and make sure you do it. Like watching an episode (or 5 🙂 ) on Netflix, read a book, take a bath, etc. just do something that is fun and makes you happy – get your dopamine.)

I’m grateful for:

That we have clean water at home
That all family members are healthy
That my kids can go to school and learn

(Due to our busy life we sometimes forget how grateful we should be with all the things we take for grated but a lot people don’t even have; savings on our bank account, clean water, a car, a house, electricity, healthcare, a television, a phone etc. Just count all your blessings each day and you will be surprised how many you have.)

Daily affirmation: Today I will feel relax and don’t get stressed when somebody will piss me off

(Just pick one daily affirmation that you will do and keep yourself reminding about it during that day – it should start with “Today I……”. Example are; Today I forgive others, Today I will say no to things I don’t want, Today I start with a healthy life, Today I make it a great day etc. This really helps to start your day with a positive and actionable kick-start)

Most important daily goals to make my day great:

Really call that friend I haven’t spoken for weeks
Start to write a new blog
Bring the kids to bed and talk or read a bedtime story for them

(There are a lot of task want to do during a day, but just pick only three that you really want to do to make your day great, so if you do these three that makes your day feel fulfilled and satisfied)

Daily GTD:

Meditation
Action 1
Action 2
Etc.

(Write down all your actions for today and use a tick box so that you can tick them off when they are ready and done, include your three important daily goals in here as well. Tasks that are not finished you move them to another day based on the GTD methodology)

Three amazing things that happened today:

I called my friend and we spend 1h on the phone and we had a good laugh
I finished a new blog post
My son played a great match today and his team won and all the smiles on their faces are priceless

(Add at least three amazing things that happened today, it could be things from your action list but also spontaneous things that felt great during today)

How could I have made today better: Since I was writing a blog post I didn’t spend the time with my kids bringing them to bed, as I wanted. I need to reprioritise the wring of a blog post.

(At the end of the day always reflect on how you could have made the day better, only one thing and don’t be to harsh on yourself, it should be something you can improve easily. You can always improve things)

I hope this will help you to think about and deploy your own daily routines towards a positive life.

Since a couple of weeks, I’m implementing the Miracle Morning in my live – more about this in a later post

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

15 January 2021 2 comments