Category:

Mindset

The Power of Affirmations

by Rockstar 2 February 2021

It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen – Muhammad Ali

When I first read about affirmations, I wasn’t sure this was something for me. Telling myself I’m the best and I’m good while I was feeling shit was not something I believed in. There was always a connecting with the law of attraction, but let me tell you, when you feel down this wasn’t the “thing” I wanted to focus and implement in my life.

While reading more and more books about positivity, the possibilities and opportunities with affirmations drew my attention again. The reason why this time it became interesting for me is that I read more about the scientifically proven evidence about “priming” yourself with confident and positive wordings. In none of these books they spoke about the law of attraction but about the positive emotions and the famous broaden and build concept from the book “Positivity”.

When reading the “Miracle Morning” from Hal Elrod I really started to implement affirmations on a daily basis and it really supported me in my own confidence and believe in my own competences.

Positive affirmations are very powerful because they release you from negativity, fear, worry, and anxiety. When these affirmations are repeated over and over again, they begin to take charge of your thoughts, slowly changing your pattern of thinking and ultimately changing your life.

For me affirmations are the way to set your “mindset” (thoughts, beliefs and focus) each and every day and boost your self-esteem.

Please watch this great video about affirmation:

How to create your own Affirmations?

On the internet you can find millions of great affirmations but it is important to define and create your own personal affirmation to make impact on your positive life.

Please find some starting points to define your own personal affirmations:

Define your own goal, what do you really want in your life? Your personal affirmation needs to be connected with your goal so that you can program your mind with your positive thoughts, beliefs and focus. Couple of examples are; financial freedom, health, emotions, relations etc.
Make sure you know “Why” you want your goal – know your goal and understand why you really want this – so that you start believing in your own destiny
Understand what you want to do to reach your goal – you can create actionable affirmations that are connected to your goal. In order to reach your goal, you need to create an action plan with things that needs to be done. Just reading out loud your affirmations with no actions from your side (and hoping for the best) will NEVER work. You need to take actions yourself!
Start writing down your personal affirmation based on your goal, your why and your actions. Don’t worry if you can’t think of the right ones from the beginning, please know that affirmations are not fixed and that you can change and update them to make them better and more powerful for yourself.
When you have your first affirmation you need to start building the habit to read them out loud (so that if someone is next to you, he or she can hear you) every day! I do this each morning during my miracle morning habit.

One thing you can also do is to write down your affirmation on you “reminder cards” like I wrote in one of my previous post

To end this post, I will share with you my personal daily affirmations that supports me during my day, use them as inspiration but make sure you create your own personal affirmations:

I feel strong, powerful & happy and all things will be fine because I never give up
Hocus Pocus keep the fucking focus (when I’m overwhelmed and need focus to control my tasks and thoughts)
I’m happy and relax
Everything will be fine
I take good care of myself
I consistently think healthy and positive thoughts
From today everything is going better
I am valuable
Whatever happens: I can handle anything

Have fun in defining your own affirmations and make them feel powerful for yourself!

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

2 February 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset Positive Transformation Video

Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses

by Rockstar 26 January 2021

“Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses.”- Marilyn vos Savant

I’m born and raised in The Netherlands and it is not very common in our culture to speak about the great things your have achieved in your life. As soon as you are proud of an achievement, people think you are arrogant hence we have a tendency to not speak about our strengths. This is different in the US where it is normal to speak openly about successes and strengths.

When you ask people to name their strengths and weaknesses, they always start with naming their weaknesses, try it with your fiends and you will see that most of them can easily name some of their weaknesses and feel uncomfortable to speak about their strengths.

It’s the same in businesses where most of the focus is on fixing weaknesses. Strategy workshops always start with the so-called SWOT analysis and you will see that most of the time and actions are based on fixing the weaknesses. What companies should do is to focus more efforts on the strengths of the company; it’s products, services and employees. So focus more on the ‘S’ in the SWOT analysis. How can they do more of their strengths and how can they become better and transform from a good into a great company.

If you focus on the weaknesses; it’s like training Messi to become the best goalkeeper, that won’t work. All he does is to be an even better striker for Barcelona and score more goals. Focus on the strengths and you will see more success!

It should be common sense that for a positive life style you should focus on your strengths instead of your weakness but unfortunately the vast majority of us are trying to solve their weaknesses. Successful companies like Tesla, Google, Spotify and Facebook focus their vast majority of their time on their strengths and get even better at it.

For a lot of people it will feels uncomfortable start focusing more on their strengths but I would like to challenge you in starting to write down your strengths on a piece of paper or in your digital note taker like Evernote. You can do this in different ways;

Take a piece of paper and write down all your strengths in the next 15 min. Don’t think too much about it, just write down everything that you can think of
Incubate it into your daily routine / habit like describe in one of my previous blog posts. Everyday you need to write down at least one strength you have. Do this exercise for the next 60 days.

It doesn’t matter what kind of strength it is and how “big” it is. A couple of examples:

I’m a very good listener
I’m always supportive to my kids while doing their homework
I make the best pasta you have ever tasted
I’m the best guitar player in my hometown
I’m always friendly when stranger ask me a question
I have set up a successful business

Again it is not how “big” your strengths are it is about the acknowledgement and realization that you have strengths and trust me everybody have strengths, a lot!

Whatever your decide on how to document your strengths, make sure they are easy to find and they are all in one place because her comes the trick….every time you think about a ‘weakness’ or when somebody reminds you of one of your ‘weaknesses’ grab your list and ad random pick three strengths and read them out loud so that if somebody was standing next to you he or she could hear you speak. After a while you will realize that the three strengths will overrule your “weakness”.

After a couple of weeks when you have trained your mind you will see that you will start thinking more about your strengths and become more positive in your self believe hence your will do more of what you are good at.

Focusing on your strengths is somethings that is coming from the positive psychology and mainly from one of my biggest inspirators – Martin Seligman. In his book “Authentic Happiness” he is talking about Character Strengths and Virtues. There are 6 classes of virtues that are made up of 24-character strengths.

The six virtues are:

Wisdom
Courage
Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Transcendence

Each virtue contains of character strengths

1. Wisdom

Creativity

Clever
Original & Adaptive
Problem Solver

Curiosity

Interested
Explores new things
Open to new ideas

Judgment

Critical thinker
Thinks things thorough
Open-minded

Love of learning

Masters new skills & topics
Systematically adds to knowledge

Perspective

Wise
Provides wise counsel
Takes the big picture view

2. Courage

Bravery

Shows valor
Doesn’t shrink from fear
Speaks up for what is right

Perseverance

Persistent
Industrious
Finishes what one start

Honesty

Authentic
Trustworthy
Sincere

Zest

Enthusiastic
Energetic
Doesn’t do things half-heartedly

3. Humanity

Love

Warm and genuine
Values close relationships

Kindness

Generous
Nurturing
Caring
Compassionate • Altruistic

Social Intelligence

Aware of the motives and feelings of self/others
Knows what makes others tick

4. Justice

Teamwork

Team player
Socially responsible
Loyal

Fairness

Just
Doesn’t let feelings bias decisions about others

Leadership

Organizes group activities
Encourages a group to get things done

5. Temperance

Forgiveness

Merciful
Accepts others’ shortcomings
Gives people a second chance

Humility

Modest
Lets one’s accomplishments speak for themselves

Prudence

Careful
Cautious
Doesn’t take undue risks

Self-regulation

Self-controlled
Disciplined
Manages impulses and emotions

6. Transcendence

Appreciation of beauty & Excellence

Feels awe and wonder in beauty
Inspired by goodness of others

Gratitude

Thankful for the good
Expresses thanks
Feels blessed

Hope

Optimistic
Future-minded
Future Orientated

Humor

Playful
Brings smiles to others
Lighthearted

Spirituality

Searches for meaning
Feels a sense of purpose
Senses a relationship with the sacred

More information about each character strengths can be found here

In order to find your own personal character strengths, you can do an online test and answer 240 questions – > https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires/survey-character-strengths

Based on this test you will find your 5 so called signature strengths. I can share my 5 signature strengths based on the test I did:

Perseverance
Fairness
Leadership
Gratitude
Humor

My goal is to use these 5 signature strengths in my everyday life. Both in my working and private life and see if I can strengthen these character strengths even more.

During the next couple of days, I would like to challenge you to focus more on your strengths and see how you can do more of those and become even better in your strengths. This is much easier than to eliminate a weakness and to become better in your strengths will also give you more joy and happiness in your everyday life. It will also increase your motivation curve to focus on the strength and the positive things and that will give your more energy!

Start focusing on your strengths!

Please find some good video’s on YouTube about discovering your signature strengths

Photo by Esteban Lopez on Unsplash

26 January 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset Positive

The Positive ratio

by Rockstar 24 January 2021

“Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative” – Barbara L. Fredrickson

In most of the books I read in the last couple of years, there was always a reference to Barbara’s best seller simply called “Positivity”. Almost three years ago, I finally had the opportunity to read her book and I must say it was above my expectations. A great eye-opener with clear scientific studies and evidence about positive thinking and how you will flourish in life with a positive mindset. Your thoughts strongly affect your level of positivity.

From the first to the last page, she is taking you in a positive roller coaster of amazing examples and scientific evidence why positive thinking is good for your health and well being. It starts with a story of a woman who overslept and need to rush to work and is already behind her schedule. The book describes two scenarios on how she can think and feel about the same situation in two completely different ways. This shows that, if you can control your thoughts about a situation you are very close to focus more on the positivity and flourish in your life.

The focus in the book is on ten (10) forms of positivity

Joy
Gratitude
Serenity
Interest
Hope
Pride
Amusement
Inspiration
Awe
Love

Those ten forms of positivity are the basis for the six (6) facts of positivity that she describes in her book:

Fact 1: Positivity feels good

Fact 2: Positivity changes how your mind works

Fact 3: Positivity transforms your future

Fact 4: Positivity puts the break on negativity

Fact 5: Positivity obeys a tipping point

Fact 6: You can increase your positivity

All these six facts are backed up by studies and scientific evidence to prove them right.

For me the book has two main key elements that will help me in the future of creating a positive life style.

First one is fact 2: Positivity changes how your mind works -> Positivity broadens your mind and the second is fact 5: Positivity obeys a tipping point -> A positive ratio >3-to-1 forecast flourishing.

Positivity Broaden your mind

Positivity opens your mind and expends our range of vision. A broaden mind changes the way you think and act in a wider range of circumstances. When you see more, more ideas are coming to your mind hence more actions become possible. Although this broaden mindscape is temporary, it creates the needed mind space. You escape the tightness of negativity and gain elbowroom for greater flexibility and seeing the big picture.

Positive ratio >3 to 1

Yes, there is indeed a magic number to feel better and flourish in life. After many different studies the outcome was that the tipping point was a positive ration of 2.9013 to 1, or easier 3 to 1. Which means that that you need 3 positive emotions against 1 negative emotion. If you want to flourish you need you extend the 3 to 1 and go for 4, 5 or 6. The maximum is 11 after that studies shows that there is no extra affect. The optimal ratio tested is 4 to 1.

Under the 3 to 1 you have a big change to fall into a depression. The great thing about the book it that it comes with a “Positive self test” to calculate your ratio at a certain moment in your life. This test will look at the 10 positive forms: Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe and Love. Next to the positive forms the test will also look at the 10 negative forms; Angry, Ashamed, Contemptuous, Disgust, Embarrassed, Guilty, Hate, Sad, Scared and Stressed.

You can do this test online as well: http://www.positivityresonance.com/

I reckon you start filling out this test on a regular basis and see how you are progressing. I can tell you it really works! Life feels so much better and is more fun when you flourish so go for the 4-1 and set your target maybe at 5-1 or 6-1!

I would like to finish this blog post with a personal experience that is also described in the book and this experience is another good example of evidence about the good things of positivity. In chapter 6 the book describes that a positive mind gives you more power to bounce back from life challenges. The book use examples of people with resilient personality bounced back stronger after 9/11; they become more optimistic, more tranquil, and more fulfilled.

In the summer of 2017, my family and I enjoyed a holiday on the Greece Island of Kos, where I actually finished reading the Positivity book on the 20^th of July. The picture above this blog is actually taken on the beach when I finished the book. Later that night when we were all asleep we experienced one of the scariest moments in our life…. a 6.7 earthquake with the epicentre 30KM away in the sea from our hotel.

It was 1.31am Greece time so the whole family was in deep sleep. I woke up from the shocking earth and felt the cortisol in my veins and within 5 seconds I was outside, carrying my youngest daughter. All of us were in shock. The next morning after some after shocks the family was still in shock from the big earthquake and I realised that we are very lucky because there was no damage in our hotel and we are not injured. Unfortunately a collapsing wall in a bar killed 2 people in the town of Kos. With the gratitude that my family was all right after the big earthquake and that no really big aftershocks are expected I was already enjoying my holiday, felt relax and happy to be in Greece. Other people in the hotel found it harder to overcome fear they felt during the earthquake. In the end we had a great holiday with only a couple of aftershocks we felt but I realised that my physical heart is filled with resilience and that I react differently to stress compared to the year before, when I had my burn-out.

Reading “Positivity” is definitely one of my biggest recommendations towards a positive lifestyle!

24 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Mindset Transformation

The power of our thoughts

by Rockstar 23 January 2021

There is a famous quote by Buddha – “The mind is everything and what we think we become” some skepticals don’t believe this is a quote from Buddha, and you know what, it doesn’t matter from who the quote is. It is just a very strong and powerful quote.

As already mentioned in a couple of other blogs, cognitive behaviour therapy helped me the most to overcome my burn-out. The mind is great but also one of the most dangerous and self-destruction piece of our human body. The first thing I learned during the cognitive behaviour sessions is that we really feel what we think, we think in visuals and words and that is connecting our behaviour and our feelings. When you are afraid of a spider, you ‘see’ the big hairy spider in your mind and your mind is even saying the words, “big hairy spider” and only by seeing the image and “saying” the words you are feeling anxious even when such a spider is not even nearby. This example shows how your thoughts, feelings and behaviour are so well connected.

Why is it that two persons in the same (for example stressful) situation can react and behave completely different? The short answer is that one person is thinking irrational and the other one has the ability to think rational. One cognitive behavioural therapy is called RET – Rational Effective Training. During my burn-out I mainly focused on the RET therapy.

One big conclusion about irrational thoughts is that these kinds of thoughts don’t help you to reach your goal. For example if I tell myself that during my working day I’m not allowed to make mistakes, I will not function better because I only think about, “o my god I’m not allowed to make mistakes”. This thought make me even function worse in most cases.

A couple of well known irrational thoughts:

Unhealthy perfectionism; like the example above, when you tell yourself that you are not allowed to make a mistake. Perfectionism can be good, but the danger lies in the exaggeration of the perfectionism.
Disaster thinking; By every potential thing that can go wrong you think it is the end of the world, like if your boss says something harsh to you, you immediately think that you will get fired.
Low frustration tolerance; when you don’t like a task and already think that you can’t do it. The idea is that you think life must be much easier. Things in life are not always easy but you can do it – most people give up to easily.
Addiction to love and respect; some of us don’t realise but they want that the whole world loves them and they want to be seen as a nice person. Trust me you can’t be everybody’s friend.
Demands on the world; this is related to the irrational demand we have of other people around us and in the world. You want that others behave like you want them to do. For example, “Wars are not allowed to exist”. These irrational thoughts are linked to the circle of influence

ABC tool of cognitive behaviour therapy

Activating event; what happened

Believe; our ideas and thoughts

Consequence; feelings, emotions and behaviour

A -> B -> C

We all make the mistake that we think and blame the activity for our feelings (emotions) and behaviour but in reality it is our ideas and thoughts (Believes) that causes your feelings (emotions).

The five main stress emotions / feelings are:

Fear
Anger
Depressions
Guilt
Sadness

How can we train ourselves in rational thinking and stop all unnecessary irrational thinking that causes us so much pain, stress and negative feelings and have more positive and happy emotions?

This is possible in a 3-step process with a purpose to change your thoughts.

Analyse; which thoughts are making you unhappy
Change; replace your irrational thoughts with rational thoughts
Integrate new thoughts; through training you can learn to focus on rational thoughts hence you can change your behaviour

Since this is serious shit I urge you to take the time and don’t speed up in these steps, especially step 2 and 3 can take weeks or even month. Hang in there it will work in the end, just make sure you take all the time and discipline for you to get familiar with this change in thinking.

First thing is to analyse your thoughts by asking yourself three questions:

Are my thoughts based on facts? Is it really true what I think and can I prove that this is true?
Are these thoughts helpful in reaching my goal? Set your goal and ask yourself the question
Philosophical questions like, are these thoughts logical and in line in how I want to live my life

For every irrational thought you should ask yourself these three questions. Please find one example below based on “Unhealthy perfectionism”:

Thought: I’m not allowed to make a mistake, because when I do so, I’m a dumbass

First questions based on facts:

Who says that I’m not allowed to make a mistake?
Can I do this task without a mistake?
What is actually a mistake?

Second questions based on my goal:

Does my thoughts really help to reach my goal?
Can I be better with these thoughts in my mind?

Third questions based on Philosophical questions:

Am I suddenly less valuable when I make a mistake?
What makes me a dumbass when making a mistake?
Is there anybody in the world that can do this without (small) mistakes?

The analysing part is crucial because you need to see that your thoughts are irrational and once you realise that, you can go to step two and replacing the thought with the thoughts and behaviour you want in such a situation.

One trick I learned to understand and question my irrational thought is to “challenge” them. Write down all the pro’s and Con’s of these thoughts and you will see that they are not rational.

I used a very simple thought scheme, first in MS word, later in Evernote and since I’m trained (step 3) I can actually do it on the fly in my head. When you at that stage you have made an amazing progress in stopping irrational thinking.

Thought scheme in an 8-step process

Activating event (A)
Feeling / Emotions (C)
Behaviour (C)
Thoughts that led to the feeling and behaviour (B)
Challenge your thoughts with Pro’s and Con’s – are your thoughts realistic?
What is a more realistic (rational) thought? (New B)
Feeling after formulating new realistic thoughts (New C)
Action plan on the wanted behaviour

See example below:

As said, it will take a lot of practice but ones you know how to replace your irrational thought by rational thoughts it will give you all the freedom and happiness to live the life you want and deserve, because don’t forget……You decide what you should think!

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

23 January 2021 0 comment

Mindset Transformation

Who to blame for your burn-out?

by Rockstar 22 January 2021

It sounds a bit controversial but you are 100% responsible for your burn-out so stop blaming others and don’t walk away from your responsibility! You are in charge of your life.

The positive thing about this is that you and only you can change the situation you are in. It starts by accepting that your burn-out is your own responsibility and that you can start taking back the control of your life.

Friday 13^th of May 2016 is a date I will never forget. On that day my burn-out kicked in when I started to cry behind my laptop. I immediately started to blame others for this situation. My manager, my colleagues and even my friends because they haven’t supported me when needed. But how could they know when I always told people that all things were fine. When I felt shit, I just wanted to blame others and make them feel responsible for my burn-out. This is of course ridicules, we can’t blame others for how we feel, we are the boss of our own body, our thoughts and our life!

It sound easy, as always, but how the hell can you start taking back control of your life?

Embracing your own responsibility
Face the brutal truth
Create an action plan based on the brutal truth
Take control of your reaction to others
Be yourself again

1. Embracing your own responsibility

You need to understand and accept that you are responsible for your own life. With controlling your reaction between stimuli and response you set the basic for a good burn-out recovery. You can’t change others, only yourself, so stop wasting your time on blaming others and focus on your own responsibility.

2. Face the brutal truth

You need to be honest to yourself and analyse what and why things went wrong. It’s called the brutal truth so be brutal to yourself and describe everything in full detail. A couple of examples:

I didn’t really say what I wanted
I avoid conflicts
I think that my manager doesn’t like me
I think my team don’t take me serious
If I don’t work tonight, they might think I’m lazy
I feel insecure when I talk to the management team
I always say yes, but I don’t have time for this and want to say no

3. Create an action plan based on the brutal truth

When you have outlined your brutal truth, you need to create a plan on how you can change your life and get the control back. Scrip all the moves / needed actions you need to do. For example

I didn’t really say what I wanted
- Write down what I want to say prior to a meeting and try to say at least one thing of the list. When this is going well you can increase it to two, three etc. topics you want to say in a meeting. Start small and have quick results, good for your dopamine!
I avoid conflicts
- Notice the next time you avoid a conflict, write down how you wanted to react and tell yourself that next time you will react this way. When done. reward yourself for this small success!
I think that my manager doesn’t like me
- Why? Who told you that? Did he or she told you or is this just your own thought? Remember that you don’t need to be everybody’s friend.

4. Take control of your reaction to others

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor E. Frankl

“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose.” Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words and our actions. We can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.

When you have the feeling that you can control all your reactions & feedback to others you have the greatest power in the world. As said it is your life and nobody has the right to make you feel shit. In the short time between stimuli and reaction you can make a difference.

How can you do this?

You need to teach yourself to take a pause between stimuli and your reaction by taking a deep breath, think and create a feeling of confidence inside you and choose your own reaction instead of a quick automatic reaction. Think about some alternative responses and choose the best one for your reaction. The same with the action plan of the brutal truth, take small baby steps and train yourself. Each time you choose the alternative, more positive response you will notice that you will be proud of yourself and that your response feels much better.

5. Be yourself again

Tell yourself to be yourself; we already have so many others. You have the right to live, you are born to be alive so tell your self that your life is worth living, you have a positive impact on others !

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

22 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Mindset

How music can positively influence your mood

by Rockstar 21 January 2021

Music is one of the most powerful tools we have to change our mindset, mood and behaviour. There are thousand of studies from scientist and psychologists that proves that music affect many different areas in our brain. Even different styles of music have different effects. Classical music can improve visual attention, ambient music can improve creativity and up-tempo music can support you during your cardio work out training.

Music also opens up memories. Every time you hear a familiar song your brain immediately pick a time, place or event of a period in your life. Good and bad memories. For example when you hear a song that was played during a funeral your mood and feeling immediately change. The same goes for the song you had with your first girl or boyfriend will remind you directly of that situation. Music and mood are inherently connected.

Due to the fact that music is so powerful you can use it in your advantage to change your mood in a positive way.

I’m addicted to Spotify and listen to music all day long. I’m a drummer in a power metal band but surprisingly I have a very brought interest in different music genres. With three kids running around the house I listen to all kind of (new) music.

During my burnout I walked a lot to clear my mind. In order to change my mood positively, feel stronger and more powerful I created different playlists on Spotify. The best one I created and the one that supported me a lot during my burnout was a list I called “positive”. I have updated this list and you can find it here:

The list contains of songs that puts a smile on my face when listening to it. Based on the lyrics, the tune or the good memories that this song will remind me of.

When I have a bad moment, feel tiered, stressed or just want to feel good, I play this list and in most cases I sing alone and also dance along with these songs. They really make me feel happy and positive.

I also use different play list, one prior to a big presentation to get me fired up (including Wicker Man from Iron Maiden), or when I go running I have a playlist that gives me positive energy / adrenaline I need to perform. While writing this blog I listen to a play list that is called “Concentration music” that brings me into a flow of writing. I also need to admit that I have a lot of guilty pleasures that always put a great smile on my face. I reckon to have at least a handful of guilty pleasure and don’t be embarrassed if you actually have a lot more if them.

As said we should really use the power of music in our advantage in our everyday life. Within a couple of seconds listening to your selected music it can change your mood, focus, mind set and perception on demand.

I want to challenge you to create your own positive playlist of songs that makes you feel positive, energized and powerful. Create different playlists, for example one for positivity, one for determination (for when you need to do some concentrated work), one for doing exercise etc. I need to admit I also have a playlist for when I feel angry (full of heavy metal music of course).

The reason why you need to create your own playlist and just not copying mine is that music is very personal and my happy playlist might not make you feel happy. When you can’t find the right songs for your wanted state of mind, search your wanted state of mind on Spotify and I’m sure there are playlist from others, which you can use as inspiration.

When you have created your favourite playlist, make sure you listen them in shuffle mode to have the best effect and this will avoid monotony.

Use the power of music in a positive way and let’s rock n roll!

Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

21 January 2021 0 comment

Books Mindset Positive Transformation

Mixing the right chemicals

by Rockstar 20 January 2021

A couple of weeks after I got diagnosed of a burn-out, I started to read again management books and I had bought “Leaders eat last” from Simon Sinek prior my burn-out but didn’t had the time to stat reading it. The initial goal for buying this book was to learn more about leadership but I didn’t realise that this book changed my life in a very positive way, not about leadership but how four chemicals in your brain can make you more confident and feel more positivity in your live.

The four chemicals

Simon describes in his book that there are four chemicals, so called neurotransmitters in your brain that drives positive feeling, confidence and trust. When you feel overwhelmed you have a bigger change of getting a burn-out and these four chemicals, when in balance, can support you in your recovery from a burn out, but even better they can also prevent you from getting a burn-out. These four chemicals are: Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.

None of these chemicals is better that the other. All of them serve a specific purpose. They need to be in balance in order to feel good and positive. Endorphin and Dopamine are known as the “selfish chemicals”. We can get them on our own. Serotonin and Oxytocin are the “selfless chemicals”. We need others to get these chemicals in our brains.

Endorphin

The chemical Endorphin will be released in your brain in order to support your body with physical pain. You might be aware of what is called ‘Runners high’. When you are running you notice that after a couple of miles you feel pain in your muscles or knee. Your brain will release some Endorphin so that it will mask your pain and you can continue running. Another example when your brain is releasing Endorphin is when you are laughing, so I reckon you laugh a lot every single day!

Dopamine

When you need to focus on your goals, your brain will release some small shots of Dopamine to keep you going and motivated. When you reach your goal your brain will release a big shot of Dopamine to make you feel great, confident and happy. A balanced way of getting shots of Dopamine is really good to keep you going and motivated in order to get things done. But the biggest risk with Dopamine is that it is very addictive, so it is very dangerous. (Online) gambling, Internet, smoking, social media, alcohol etc. they all will release good shots of Dopamine, so be careful!

Serotonin

The Serotonin is a selfless chemical and can only be released when others are involved. It will for example be released when a group of people (colleagues, friends etc.) work together to solve a problem or reach a goal. It will strengthen our human bonds. When the whole team is recognised and rewarded for their behaviour or good work together, they all will get a good shot of Serotonin, which give them a feeling of respect, confidence, status and pride.

Oxytocin

This is my personal favourite one of all four – Oxytocin is what is called the ‘happiness chemical’ and I already briefly mentioned it in the post about 25 ideas to be happy .This chemical will encourage serving others. When helping others, for example very simple things, like giving a tip in a restaurant or helping your friend moving houses, both you and the other person will get a shot of Oxytocin and this will make you and the other person feel better and positive.

Oxytocin is also released by human contact like high fives, handshakes, big and long hugs or doing volunteer work at homeless shelter for example.

A very important effect of Oxytocin is that our bodies are less susceptible to the addictiveness of Dopamine and the most important effect is that Oxytocin makes you feel better capable of handling stress. This was my biggest support during my burn-out. Just before and during my burn out my body was full of the stress hormone ‘Cortisol’. When you brain is releasing shots of Oxytocin the stress hormone Cortisol will be lowered in your body and you immune system will be stronger with Oxytocin.

That’s why it is so important that you get help and support from others during and after your burn-out.

Cortisol

As said, Cortisol was making overtime during my burn-out and period of anxiety in my life. Short boosts of Cortisol are good and can protect you from potential danger, you go into the fight or flight mode. When Cortisol is released, your immune system is turned off and our body is releasing a boost of adrenaline in your blood stream to really fight or flight. When the danger is over the amount of cortisol will be lowered and you will feel more relax.

When we have cortisol in our bodies more often than we are supposed to have, it can become dangerous. This is what often happens during a burn-out, especially when you feel stressed there will be a constant flow of Cortisol in your body. When the level of Cortisol is going up, the level of Oxytocin is going down. This will weaken our immune system and can cause serious health issues.

Your task is to keep the four chemicals in good balance to decrease the level of constant Cortisol in your brain. It will make you feel better, happier and you see things in a more positive way.

My advice:

Laugh a lot to release Endorphin
Focus on your goals to release Dopamine
Work together to release Serotonin,
Help others to release Oxytocin and decrease your stress hormone Cortisol.

I recommend you to watch this 45 min video from Simon.

Photo by Jesse Martini on Unsplash

20 January 2021 0 comment

Inspiration Lifehack Mindset Transformation

25 ideas to be happy

by Rockstar 19 January 2021

Feeling happy should not be an end goal or destination. Feeling happy should be an everyday way of living. Feeling happy is purely based on your own expectation of being happy. What makes me happy should not necessary make you happy.

Personally, I don’t think we should strive for happiness as final destination in our life. I prefer more to strive for satisfaction and feeling happy on your way to reach this. Our biggest problem in our search for happiness is our own expectations of what happiness should look and feels like. It’s not the end goal that should make you happy but the journey to satisfaction that makes you happy. The good thing with this is that satisfaction is based on your own expectations and expectations can be adapted and changes and set by yourself.

As said happiness is very personal so I won’t guarantee that the next 25 ideas can make you feel happy, hence I call them ideas and not ways to be happy.

1. Be grateful

In my daily routines blog, I wrote about how my daily GTD and 5 min journal is keeping me in control of my day. One very important factor in this daily routine is the part where I write down 3 things that I’m grateful of each and everyday. Just be grateful of what you already have in your life like clean drinking water, a house, a bed, cloths to wear etc. Your will realise that you have so much to be grateful of.

2. Take breaks

Throughout the day you need to take enough breaks. If you are familiar with the productivity technique Pomodoro you know how important it is to take regular breaks in order to keep the right focus. It will clear your mind and gives you more energy for the rest of the day. So don’t underestimate the power of 5 min breaks throughout your day. It’s even better to go for a walk outside during your break.

3. Do one new thing each day

To break the daily routine and to challenge yourself, I advise you to do at least one new thing each day. Watch a YouTube video of a new vlogger, eat a different salad or sandwich during your lunch, order a different coffee or tea, go to a new movie, listen to music your normally don’t listen to. Brush you your teeth with your “other” hand, so if you are left handed do it now with your right hand. Just a small change in your life can make you feel good.

4. Trust yourself

You are good as you are, trust your intuition and don’t overanalyse. Just do it when you think you should do it. You will see that without all the overanalyses and trusting your gut feeling, life will be more fun!

5. Exercise

Go out for a walk, a bike ride, a run, to the gym or walk your dog, play a game of soccer with your friends or kids, you name it. Do it and do it often because exercise is good for your mind and the health of your body.

6. Unclutter

Clean up your house, your garage or your clothing closet. Sell your old stuff that you don’t want or need anymore on eBay or give it away to people who can use it. An uncluttered home will give you a good feeling and giving it away for free will even give you a better feeling. See next idea.

7. Give away something

When you give away stuff for free or even give some support or helping somebody moving houses for example will release the feel-good hormone in your brain called oxytocin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin). So give a tip after a nice dinner, give your stuff you don’t need or want anymore to a homeless shelter or a thrift shop. You will feel good and you are helping other people to feel good as well!

8. Give positive feedback and praise

“Feedback is the breakfast for champions” – Kenneth Blanchard. When you notice that a family member, a co-worker or just somebody on the street is doing something you like, give positive feedback and praise this person for his or her good behaviour. It will make their day and will motivate them to do more of this. It will also make your day because while giving positive feedback and praise both of you will get a good shot of Oxytocin in your brain.

9. Meditate

Meditate every day, at least 5 min a day. In our busy lives we always have 5 min to set aside for a mediation session. The best time is in the morning when you just woke up or after your breakfast. It will give you the peace and calm you need during the rest of your day.

10. Stop comparing yourself

One of the biggest pitfalls for a positive lifestyle is to compare yourself with others. You can’t feel how other people are feeling. They might look happy with that new house and brand new car and their whole life they post on Facebook and Instagram but you don’t know their story. This is your life so focus on yourself and yourself only.

11. Always have a friendly mindset

Your mindset should always be friendly. Some people you meet might fight a battle you don’t know of. By being friendly you will see that the reaction of others will be different and, in most cases, they will adapt your kindness and change their behaviour and mindset as well in a more friendly way. Kindness should be the norm.

12. Choose your battles

Of course you need to fight for your rights but my advice is to be selective in your fights. In a lot of cases you will realise that you are fighting too many battles and that will make your exhausted and is a waste of time and energy. It is better to choose your battles and stop fighting for small, unimportant things that are not worth the fight.

13. Lear to say no

Saying yes to often mean that you can’t prioritise. Saying NO means saying Yes to something or someone else more prioritized. Saying No won’t make your popular right now but it will certainly will help you enjoy tomorrow.

14. Just Enjoy

Look around you and learn to enjoy the smallest things in life. The smell of fresh coffee, fresh baked bread, a smile on a kids face, the spring, the silence etc. Take the time and enjoy it with your full attention.

15. Grab somebodies hand

Start your day by grabbing somebodies hand, from your wife, daughter, your son or even better a total stranger. While grabbing their hand tell this person “All things will be fine” and give a big hug. The smile on this persons face is priceless and it will give you both a perfect kick-start of the day.

16. Stop complaining for a day

We all complain and that’s fine unless you do it all day long and talk about all your complains to others each and everyday. Try having a day without any complains, because the truth is that complaining won’t solve anything. Try it for a day and if you like it try to do it at least one day a week – call it “no complain day”. Each time you complain during that day you need to put some money in a jar. Each month with the money in the jar you buy something for somebody else.

17. Focus on your strengths

Each evening when you go to bed, write down all the things that went well that day. Behaviour that you are proud of, deploying a new habit, stopped unwanted behaviour, the conversation you had with a stranger, the support you gave to a co-worker etc. Write it down and at the end of each week read them all again in one go. Celebrate all the good things you do in your life! You are good and you do good things!

18. 15 min worrying

Overthinking and worrying can turn into anxiety. There is a very simple method and easy to try. Take a notebook or a piece of paper, and plan in 15 min a day. Every time when you start worrying or overthinking situations tell yourself to wait until your scheduled 15 minutes. When it is time for your 15 min worrying moment, write down all your thoughts and after 15 min close your notebook and stop overthinking. Remember yourself each time you have these 15 min to write down all your worries. It won’t be easy in the first couple of days but keep trying and you will realise it is magical for your mind!

19. Don’t be so serious

Life is great and a lot of fun. Please don’t take everything so serious, release your inner child. Feel, think and act like a child once in a while. Dance, sing and make a lot of fun in your life. Smiling is the best route to a positive lifestyle.

20. You are great

It will make you feel great when you realise that you are amazing just the way you are today. Don’t change yourself for other people, be yourself because you are great! You are born to be alive so live YOUR life and not somebody else’s life.

21. Take your time

Some say you need to live your life like everyday is your last day. That’s bull shit, because like this you are afraid of dying each day and you are so stressed each day that you need to do all the things you want in one day. Good things will take time hence I advise to take the time you need. That doesn’t mean that you need to overthink all your ideas, make a decision, plan it and execute. We only have 24h in a day and you need to calm down, have breaks and don’t have too much time pressure. As said don’t wait too long with your ideas; decide, plan and do it! But don’t forget to take breaks and that things take time to grow!

22. Focus on what you can influence

We worry too much about things we can’t influence, like the weather, the bad news on television, views from others etc. As written in my blog about the circle of influence. The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

23. Be romantic

It sound a bit controversial but have sex, sex is great. With yourself or even better with somebody you love. Take the time for this, start with a nice dinner, candle light, right music, massage and just let yourself go into the moment and release the happiness hormone in your brain. And don’t forget that sex is very good for your health as well.

24. Show love

Love should be everywhere and is the basic for life, share it with abundance with your family and friends. Tell them, let them feel it, hug them, just do something for them that show your love for them. Giving love feels better than getting it. When you give a lot you will get a lot. Be generous with giving your love and let the ones close to you, your husband, wife, kids, parents, grandparents know on a regular basis, daily!

25. Rocknroll!

The use of mantra’s is very powerful and will keep you focus on a positive mindset. My mantra is Let’s fucking rock n roll (LFRNR). It makes me feel happy each day. When I wake up and step out of bed I say LFRNRN. When I need strengths or confident like an important meeting or when I feel insecure I say it out load. I strongly advise you to define your own mantra that works best for you and that is the closed to you as a person.

I hope that some of these 25 ideas will inspire you to bring more happiness and positivity in your live.

Photo by Fernando Brasil on Unsplash

19 January 2021 0 comment

Lifehack Mindset Positive

Plan potential crisis situations

by Rockstar 18 January 2021

A common situation for persons who suffer from a burn-out is the fact that they are afraid for having a downturn when there are setbacks on their way back to a positive lifestyle. They have a fear falling back into the crisis situations they had before and during their burn-out. I felt exactly the same.

While I strongly believe in having a positive mindset and focusing on the inner side of our circle of influence, I think it is vital to prepare yourself for potential crisis situations that will occur on your way back recovering from a burn-out.

See it more as a back-up tool, a defence line to support you in becoming a much stronger person. It’s a very good tool to overcome all the hurdles you will find on your way. Trust me crisis situations will occur, you will make mistakes, feel anxious and maybe feel depressed because some crisis situations might throw you back at your ‘old state’ before your burn-out. But you are a strong and committed person and will also survive these setbacks. You can do this, but might need some help. That’s ok.

Planning crisis situations really helped me in my burn-out recovery. My mind set, feelings, positive thoughts and how I live my everyday life, it’s hundred times better than when I was burned out. Planning potential crisis situations definitely helped in a positive way of what I have achieved.

How to plan potential crisis situations?

The first thing you should do is writing down all the crisis situations you had prior to your burn-out. All the things you feel stressed or anxious about and played a big role in actually getting your burn-out. When you have written down these situations, the next step is to write down how you reacted to these situations and what your feeling was.

Next to that you need to write down how you ‘wanted’ to react and feel. Then you write down what you need to do in order to react and feel like you want to do. When you have done this a couple of times you start to create a list of potential crisis situations and how to react to these.

See an example below

Situation	Old reaction / feeling	Wanted reaction / feeling	How to get this feeling?
I got a lot of requests from colleagues and my manager at work	I said yes to all requests hence I don’t have time to focus. I didn’t finish my work in time and quality. This made me feeling bad and insecure	I want to say more no, because saying yes to all requests is saying no to what is important. I want to focus and deliver in time with quality	Saying no to ALL requests that are not inline with my objectives. Be very clear to the requester what my objective is to set clear expectations. Be hones that this request is not my priority.

Planning crisis situations can also be used in keeping new habits or stopping old habits like smoking, gambling etc. When you start using this tool during your crisis situations, you will realise how strong you will become and how proud you feel when you overcame crisis situation. It can really support you in our journey for a positive lifestyle, because you feel more confident that you can handle the situation.

In order to really make this work I reckon you add another layer to this and start rewarding yourself every time you managed a crisis situation like you have planned it. Think about small rewards like, taking a warm bath, watching and extra episode on Netflix, listen to your favourite music on Spotify, read a book or just lay in the sun and relax and enjoy that you have done an amazing job. Don’t reward yourself with big things like buying the guitar your always wanted or those shoes, especially when you are a shopping addict. Keep it small so that you can do it every time you succeed.

Planning potential crisis situations looks like cognitive behaviour therapy but it is different, I will write a different post dedicated to cognitive behaviour therapy at a later stage.

As said, you will make mistakes during your great burn-out recovery journey. That is perfectly fine and even mandatory because it is a part of the overall process. Using the planned crisis situations take some time but you will be able to do it. The trick is to be aware that setbacks will happen and that you are well prepared to fight against these crisis situations. It will make you a stronger and positive person.

Photo by Daniel Cheung on Unsplash

18 January 2021 0 comment

Books Inspiration Mindset

Circle of Influence

by Rockstar 17 January 2021

During my burn-out I read a lot about what kind of people are more in the likelihood of becoming burn-out. I realize that all kinds of people are subjected to be able to get a burn-out, but I could read between the lines that the so called ‘control freaks’ (like me) are showing a higher risk for having burn-outs. This is because there comes a time where control freaks ‘loose’ control and influence of the situation and that potentially can contribute to a burn-out.

As mentioned in my first blog I wanted to come back stronger after my burn-out by building a plan. Unconsciously I used the circle of influence a lot in my planning and the actual execution of my plan. Later on I used it in my daily habits when facing negativity, fear and uncertainties. While doing a little bit of more research for this blog post I realised that I leaned about the circle of influence 10 years ago when I read the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey. Nobody told me during my burn-out that I need to look into my circle of influence, but unconsciously my mind remembered that I read about it a couple of years ago and that I can use it for a more positive lifestyle and accept certain situations.

The circle of influence is for me one of the best solutions I found for recovering from my burn-out and I still use it in my day-to-day life. It gives me a lot of support to handle difficult situations and decision. Based on this I started to think more positively. Covey beliefs that proactive people focus inside their circle of influence, I strongly believe that people with a positive mind-set and lifestyle do as well.

The great reward you will get when you focus more inside your circle of influence is that you will get a feeling that you can control your life and destiny since you don’t worry about the things you can’t control.

Negative people have a tendency to focus too much on things they can’t control. Most of the time they think they are the victim of circumstances and dwell further in these negative thoughts.

What is actually the circle of influence?

It’s a very simple concept, you draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle you write down all the thing you can control and influence. Outside the circle you write down all the things you can’t control and influence.

circle of control

The trick with the circle of influence is that when you focus all your energy on what you can control and influence you will notice that the circle will grow and become bigger. You will find more things that you can actually influence with your positive mindset.

Negative people focus too much on matters outside their circle and will realise that the circle is shrinking and they ‘see’ less and less matters they can’t control.

In the psychology this kind of feeling of having control of the outcome of events in your life is called locus of control (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control).

For me this all starts with accepting that you as a person are responsible for your own life, not your spouse, friends, boss, colleagues etc. It is you and nobody else than you who is responsible. The way you feel, behave, react etc. is your own decision to do so.

Quoting Covey: “Between stimuli and response, everybody has the freedom to choose”

During my burn-out I blamed others, and the different circumstances, but that was wrong and it will never support you in your recovery. My psychiatrist convinced me already in my second session that I’m responsible for my life and that I’m not allowed to blame others, that’s too easy and you will walk away from your responsibility and give your life in the hand of others. You, me, your colleagues, everybody needs to accept that this is your life hence your responsibility to make it great, be positive and happy.

Negative people believe that their life is a product of their physical and social environment. The have a strong external locus of control and focus outside their circle of influence. They believe that their quality of life is determined by luck, fate and that others are responsible for who and what they are.

Positive people believe that they are responsible for how they respond to outside stimuli. They have a strong internal locus of control and focus inside their circle of influence. They believe that the quality of their life is determined by their own action and chooses. They don’t blame others or circumstances for their life they live.

The biggest difference is that positive people taking responsibility and they focus on matters that they can control and influence hence live inside their circle of influence.

Every time you move more attention from inside to outside your circle of influence you allow the outside to control your life.

While planning my comeback I first needed to accept that “me, myself and I” is responsible for my own life, feeling and behaviour. I’m my own boss and I should stop dwelling on things I can’t control. This is also how I overcome my fear and anxiety.

What I would like to ask you to do is simply; draw a circle on a blank piece of paper and start to write down all the things you can control and influence inside your circle. You will notice that you have drawn a too small circle because you can control and influence more than your think. When you are ready you can start adding things you can’t control outside the circle. Now comes the trick……STOP focusing on the things outside the circle and focus all your time and energy on the things inside the circle of influence and you will see that you will start feeling more in control and start to have more positive feelings.

Every time you are worried and have negative thoughts, feeling stressed or anxious, just look at this circle or draw a new one and see if these things are in your circle of influence. If yes, work on it if not stop focusing on it!

So stop complaining about others and things you can’t control, focus all your time, effort and energy on the things you can influence, control or change and you will see something magic will happen with you and how you feel. More in control, less stress, positive and you can get things done while noticing that your circle of influence is growing.

Photo by Finn Hackshaw on Unsplash

17 January 2021 2 comments